


In the Wake of Dragon Sickness

by Amaya2278



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, F/M, Fluffy Dwalin, Frustrated Dwalin, Incest, M/M, No one died at BoFA, Pregnancy, Slow Build, Tree-shagging point-eared bastards, cheating (with partner's knowledge), loveless bonds, really really slow, totally au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-02
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2017-12-07 07:16:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 32,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/745789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amaya2278/pseuds/Amaya2278
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Battle of Five Armies (in which no one died), Bilbo slipped away before Thorin and his nephews regained consciousness. His departure made Thorin susceptible to dragon sickness once again and for three years he lived with it, until one day it was lifted by a blow to the head. However, the blow does not simply remove the dragon sickness, but also Thorin's memory of it. It is up to Dwalin to explain the events of the past three years, even the things his king does not wish to hear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Amnesia and Relationships

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first ever The Hobbit fanfiction. I just got this idea and it wouldn't leave me. So here we go, and I hope you enjoy the first chapter!

Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the Mountain, awoke to the frightful visage of a battle scared, tattooed warrior dwarf and smiled. Most other dwarfs, or humans, or elves, and especially hobbits, would have screamed at the sight, but Thorin just felt comforted by the sight of his old friend.

Dwalin turned and spoke to a nondescript dwarf guard by the door. “Send someone to let her know he’s awake.” Well, that was odd, but maybe he had been out long enough for his sister to have arrived at the mountain.

“How long was I out?” His voice was hoarse and cracked from lack of use.

“Ten days.” Came the curt reply. Dwalin sat stiffly, barely sparing a glance at Thorin.

Thorin nodded, then winced as pain lanced through his head, temporarily blinding him. “I can see why,” he grunted. “I take it we won the battle though yes?”

“Aye. We won the battle my lord.” The old warrior sneered.

Thorin frowned. “Why so formal old friend? Since when did you stop calling me Thorin?” And why so hostile? He wondered, but kept that thought to himself.

“Since when have you thought we were still friends? Am I supposed to assume that all those comments about me ‘robbing the cradle’ were in jest?”

Thorin was getting very confused at this point. Since when had he ever called Dwalin a cradle robber? “What are you talking about?”

“From the moment Ori and I started courting you’ve looked down on me. Ye wouldn’t even come to the bonding ceremony. And ye haven’t tossed a friendly word in my direction in over two years.”

Dwalin was fuming and Thorin was more confused than ever. “What are you talking about Dwalin? We’ve been perfectly friendly over the past two years! What about all those times we had a good laugh or fight on the road with the company?” And since when did he and Ori have a thing? Were they sleeping together on the road without his knowledge? Come to think of it he did put them on consecutive watches that one night… 

Dwalin gave him a look of contempt. “The company disbanded three years ago seeing as our work was complete. Ye’ll need a more recent example, oh king.”

Thorin paled. “I thought you told me I’d been asleep for 10 days…”

“Aye, and ye have.”

“But just now you said… Three years?” What on earth was going on here? And would it kill Dwalin to bring him a little water? 

Dwalin stood from his chair by Thorin’s bedside and threw his hands up in despair. “Mahal give me patience! First she orders me to come in and watch him while he recovers, then he wakes up with amnesia of all things! Where’s Thranduil when you need him?”

“Thranduil! He locked us in his dungeon! He brought an army to our doorstep! Why do you want him?” Tree-shagging, pointy-eared bastard. 

“Because, after you two learned to be civil towards you he became the only one who could talk any sense to you.”

“When did we learn to be civil to each other?!” And why would we want to be civil to each other?! 

“Well for one after he healed you and for two over the past few family gatherings.”

“Family gatherings?!” Thorin spluttered and wondered if his old friend had been at Gandalf’s pipe weed again.

“Aye. Family Gatherings. After all, Kíli did bond with Thranduil’s son, Legolas.”

“For the love of Mahal, why would he do such a thing?” However unlikely the situation, he supposed that would explain his alleged getting along with Thranduil… Or pretending too… He would do that for Kíli if he had to. Not that he had to, did he? He wished Dwalin would just speak sense. 

Dwalin rolled his eyes and glared at Thorin, interrupting his wandering thoughts. “He bonded with Legolas because you wouldn’t let him bond with Fíli.” 

Oh. Well that made him feel like a shitty uncle… Still… He couldn’t be sure… “Is this some kind of joke?” Please let it be some sort of joke. The Company would just be standing behind the door stifling their laughter behind their fists and Bilbo looking like he’d been unwillingly roped into the whole thing. His old friend shattered those hopes though with just two words.

“I wish!” Dwalin growled.

They didn’t speak for several minutes, then, “So you and Ori huh?”

Dwalin turned. “Yeah. I gave him a bead after we fully reclaimed our mountain. He responded to the courting the very next day. We’ve been inseparable ever since. He adds light to my world.” The warrior had never before bared his soul so to Thorin, and the king was touched.

“I must have been full of dragon sickness to not wish the two of you happiness. I am sorry for all that I have done, though I know an apology is not enough. I do hope that we can one day rebuild our friendship though. Will you tell me of the things I do not recall? Even the things I do not wish to hear?” He prayed to Mahal that there wouldn’t be many more.

Dwalin nodded. “Aye, I’ll tell ye, but ye won’t be pleased with what I have to say. What is the last thing you remember?”

“Thranduil and the men of Lake Town had raised armies against us.”

“I thought that might be the case. Well, it seems I have to start with the hard stuff. You see, war was averted. Our burglar-“

But here Dwalin was interrupted by the opening of the door. In strode a woman, finely dressed.

“Thorin! You’re awake! I came as quick as I could!” She moved to sit in the chair by his bedside but realized it was already occupied. “Oh, Dwalin, you’re still here.”

“Dwalin? Who is she? I thought you had summoned Dís…”

“Thorin, why would he have sent for her? You two haven’t talked in years, come to think of it neither have you and Dwalin. Not that I’m complaining mind you, it’s about time you two made up. But don’t you recognize me darling? It’s me! Cussa!” At her words she smiled brilliantly at her, but it faded as his face still lacked recognition and he continued to look suspicious. She bit her lower lip. “I’m your wife Thorin, don’t you remember? You remember me don’t you? Thorin please say yes… Thorin?”

Thorin meanwhile, said nothing, and the woman’s eyes began to sparkle with unshed tears.

Dwalin turned to her and spoke gently. “My king is suffering from amnesia due to his recent injury and does not remember my lady. He does remember our friendship, however, and is more comfortable with me right now. Perhaps you should leave for now and then come back when I have explained the events of the past three years to his majesty? We wouldn’t want to overload him with too much information right now.”

Cussa sniffled and rubbed a hand across her eyes. “Yes of course. Amnesia can be a very tricky business after all. I’ll just go now then… Um… You’ll send for me when he is able to see me won’t you Dwalin?”

The warrior nodded. “Yes of course I’ll send for you my lady.” He escorted her to just outside the room and Thorin’s earshot. “If you want to be of help, tell Balin to inform Fili and Kili of their uncle’s condition. Tell him that Thorin has forgotten everything since just before we reclaimed the mountain. And tell him that as far as I can tell, the sickness is gone. Then get some rest. Things may be changing very much because of his amnesia. You need to be prepared for whatever may come.”

Cussa nodded and left, hurrying off to find Balin. She understood the things he didn’t say. That Thorin may never remember her, and that their bond may be severed. Dwalin turned to a nearby guard and instructed him to send for two meal trays from the kitchens. This was going to be a long night.

When he reentered the room, Thorin’s eyes were full of questions. “Dwalin… What about Bilbo? Last I remember we were courting… He was to be my consort… What happened? He didn’t die did he?”

“I was just getting to that before I was interrupted by… Well let’s just call her Cussa for now. Our burglar stole away the Arkenstone whilst you were consumed with dragon sickness because he knew that it was the only way to stop war. He gave it to Thranduil and the Bard to trade for compensation because he knew that you would do whatever it took to get it back. When this came to light, ye banished him from the mountain… And after we fought off orcs in what we now call The Battle of Five Armies, and you and your nephews were unconscious with injuries, he left your courting bead on the table at your bedside. Then, despite our protests, he left for the Shire with Gandalf. We’ve not seen or heard from him since. I haven’t heard you speak of him in three years. The bead he left ye is now braided into Cussa’s hair.”

And for the first time years, Thorin wept.


	2. Shadows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I forgot to do warnings at the beginning of the last chapter. Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby! Warnings is important!
> 
> So yeah, warnings include incest (obviously seeing as I have Fiki as a pairing), cheating (with partner's knowledge) and loveless bonds. This is also unbetaed, so it will contain grammatical errors. Let me know if you want to beta for me! :D That's all I got so far. I'll try to update the tags at some point to include these but I'm in a bit of a hurry atm so... moving on!
> 
> This took me a couple of nearly all-nighters to complete and get up here for you guys, and I ended up not doing my Bluna fic first because well, you guys gave me such awesome feedback! Thank you for all the hits, comments, bookmarks, kudos, etc. I am very grateful for them all. Please enjoy this next chapter, it is more than double the length of the last one (don't get used to updates of this size or frequency though, I can't guarantee them!)

            Dwalin gave Thorin some peace as he cried. Thorin did not wish for comfort and Dwalin did not wish to give it, and so they both waited for the tears to cease. It was some time before they did. As the king dried his eyes, a knock came on the door. Dwalin answered it, had a brief silent conversation with the dwarf on the other side, and brought in two trays of food and drink. He then forced Thorin to eat and drink and told him of the Battle of Five Armies and how they finally reclaimed their home. By the time he was finished with the tale, their trays were empty and Thorin’s eyes were beginning to droop. He stayed with his king, telling stories of the beautiful rooms uncovered in the restoration of Erebor in a low, soothing voice until he at last drifted off.

 

            Despite his efforts Dwalin knew Thorin’s dreams would be troubled. He would need someone to watch him while the warrior sought Balin’s counsel. Not ten minutes later a knock came on the door. Dwalin opened it to find just the dwarf he wished would relieve him and silently thanked Cussa for doing him one last favor. He trusted very few with Thorin right now, his old protectiveness over the man rearing up once more, and Moifur was one of the few. He gave the dwarf a nod and left Thorin in his care and set off. There was someone he needed to see before he sought out Balin.

 

            He had to rouse his target from slumber in their bed. “Ori.  Ori, wake up. We need to go see Balin.”

 

            The scribe looked up, bleary eyed. “Dwalin, I wasn’t expecting you ‘til – ‘til morning.” His face scrunched up like a little puppy’s as he yawned out the word morning.

 

            “I wasn’t expecting Thorin to wake up.” He said, resisting the urge to screw doing something about the problems that were about to plague the mountain and simply climb into bed and hold his bonded and sleep.

 

            “Oh Dwalin… I’m so sorry…” Here he gave Dwalin his sad puppy eyes, making the warrior ache for what Thorin had done to them. But there was no one to lay the blame on now. Thorin had acted under the influence of a sickness, and now that he was free of it all they could do was help him, as much for his sake as their own. For now though, reassuring Ori and making him understand was Dwalin’s top priority.

 

            “Actually it wasn’t that bad. He gave us his blessing actually, wished us happiness. I’ll explain everything later, I promise. Now I need you to get dressed, I don’t want to tell this story more than once. I’ll put the kettle on shall I?”

 

            “That’s alright,” Ori yawned again as he rolled out of bed. “You’re rubbish at cooking anyway, I’ll set it to boiling while I get dressed; you just watch it and make sure it doesn’t boil over.”

 

            Dwalin did as he was told and a few minutes later they were off to see Balin. Ori stumbled along sleepily, clinging to his mug of tea like it was his only lifeline. Knowing his bonded, it probably was. Ori had always preferred the day to the night. If he had to work late he needed a few mugs of the tea Bilbo had once taught him to make. The hobbit had told the young scribe that it had enabled him to stay up past his bedtime to study books and maps when the urge struck him back at Bag End, before his adventuring days of course. Dwalin was pulled from his affectionate thoughts as they arrived at their destination, and his suspicions that Balin was not alone were confirmed.

 

            “You don’t really think we’d believe this, do you Balin? We lost our hope ages ago. He has proved time and time again that the man we once called Uncle is long gone.” The similarity in what Kíli said and something Thorin had once said about Bilbo sent chills down Dwalin’s spine.

 

            Knowing he had to intervene, he pushed Ori through the door and followed. Ori and Balin gave each other curt nods, and Ori perched himself upon a comfortable seat from which he could watch and listen to the proceedings and drink the tea that was keeping him awake enough to do so.

 

            Dwalin could count on one hand the number of people he would bare his soul to aid or protect: his brother, his bonded, and once upon a time his king. He supposed that Thorin was now back on that list. It was not easy for the hardened warrior to bare his soul, or even to speak much more than a few words. But this was important. Thorin’s happiness and that of his family depended upon the boys understanding what was going on. And so, reluctant as he was, Dwalin began to speak.

 

            “I thought so too Kíli. I thought that I’d never see my friend again, that his sickness had locked him away forever. But I was wrong. He’s not gone. I saw him tonight, the real him, free of sickness. He showed emotions other than anger and suspicion. He showed fear, regret, pain, and first and foremost… Comfort in seeing me by his bedside when he awoke. This was the man I knew, and I knew that he was not lying. He does not remember anything of the past three years. The last things he remembers are the last things that happened before the sickness took him completely. He did not recognize Cussa, he knew nothing of the bond between Ori and I, and he knew not that the company had long been disbanded. He considered me a friend. He wished me and Ori happiness. If these are not indicators that his sickness has finally cleared then I don’t know what else is.”

 

            He knew the speech was garbled. Words were not his forte, no, that was Balin’s field. Dwalin was most comfortable with an axe in his hand, letting it speak for him. Thankfully everyone in attendance was used to his lack of eloquence and understood what he was trying to get across. Most importantly, the lads had calmed down enough to start believing him.

 

            “So Uncle really has amnesia?” Fíli asked quietly.

 

            “Yes.” Dwalin answered simply.

 

            “What does that mean for us?” asked Kíli.

 

            “I do not know, only time will tell. But I would hope good things. I told him of the situation he put you two in. Saw no reason to beat around the bush when he started asking why I wished Thranuil was here to talk sense into him.”

 

            The boys nodded their appreciation, but their curiosity was not yet sated.

 

            “Did he remember Bilbo?” Fíli asked.

 

            “Did he remember what he did to Bilbo?” asked Kíli.

 

            “Yes to the first, no to the second. Last he recalls, he and Bilbo were still courting with the understanding that Bilbo would become his consort after we had reclaimed Erebor. He asked after Bilbo once Cussa had left, and I told him what had happened… He took the news with great sorrow. He still loves the hobbit.”

 

            “Then why would he give Bilbo’s bead to Cussa?”

 

            “Kíli… She was a woman, of childbearing age, and from a good family. All he was thinking about was getting an heir, securing the line of Durin once more. That’s all he cared about then. He forced the two of you to bond, not for love as he once would have, but for heirs. Kíli, you were lucky to find a loop hole. And the two of you are lucky I’m in charge of the guard, otherwise Thorin may have sent Kíli off to Dís ages ago. You would do well to remember that kindness the next time you question my judgment.”

 

            The boys had the grace to blush. It was a well-known fact among the guard that once a week or so, depending on their schedules, the boys would spend a night together, and not quietly either. The guards only reported to Dwalin, and it was Dwalin’s choice to inform the king of said reports. For three years he had chosen not to and instructed his guard to keep it secret, citing that their loyalty extended to the young princes.

 

            Balin and Ori stayed quiet throughout the encounter. Ori remained so, too tired to really contribute after only one mug of tea, but Balin spoke up, used to the late hour despite his age.

 

            “It matters not what has happened, for it is in the past. What we need to do is prepare for the future, whatever it may hold. I assume that that is why you wanted to see me brother? To look into bonding rules for royalty?”

 

            Dwalin nodded gratefully at his brother for getting everyone on track. “Yes.”

 

            Fíli and Kíli turned out to be curious enough about the topic to shut their mouths and simply listen.

 

* * *

 

            Cussa knew she mustn’t eavesdrop. Her mother had drilled that and other morals into her from a young age. While she had taken to most morals and upheld them over the years, she had never been able to stop eavesdropping. She was very shy for a dwarf, and all it had taken was a little teasing when she was young for her to retreat inside her shell and hide away from the world as though she were a turtle. But her fear of interactions with other dwarfs was equaled by her need to know what was going on around her. She was not one to remain ignorant. So she had begun to eavesdrop. Often times she heard things she wished she had not, but she still thought it was better than hearing everything second-hand.

 

            The Queen under the Mountain knew that tonight she would hear things she would wish she hadn’t. But she also knew that she needed to know what was going on. Cussa needed to keep busy, and she was grateful for the errands Dwalin had given her. First she went to the kitchens, remembering how parched Thorin sounded and how little he had eaten over the past ten days. Why Dwalin hadn’t immediately gotten his king something to drink was beyond her. Well, no it wasn’t… Their friendship had been in ruins, and it wasn’t like the warrior had been tasked as a nursemaid. He was just supposed to watch Thorin and inform her he woke up or summon a healer if he got worse. To his credit though, he was handling the bad situation well, putting aside their quarrel to help his former friend.

 

            Her thoughts took her down to the kitchens where she quickly went to her favorite cook, Bombur. He was always very kind to her and never made her feel uncomfortable. Sometimes, when Thorin was away for long periods of time, he would invite her to come play with his children and visit with his family. He knew how she longed for one of her own, though she never voiced her desire. Bumbur gave her his usual gentle smile as she walked up.

 

            “And what would you like tonight, lass? Maybe a midnight snack and something warm to drink?” he asked her warmly. He knew her worries about Thorin kept her up at night. In fact, Bombur knew many things about her that she never had to say, he simply read her well, and understood.

 

            “Not right now Bombur, but I may take you up on that offer later. Actually, Thorin has woken up. He and Dwalin need some food and drink.”

 

            Bombur’s eyebrows went up, but he knew now was neither the time nor place to discuss these things. “You’ll have to tell me all about it when you get the chance. Would you like me to send the trays up with one of the kitchen staff?”

 

            “Oh no, please. Watching and waiting will give me a distraction from my thoughts. I’ll just bring everything up when it’s ready if that’s okay. I won’t be a bother will I?” she asked, suddenly worried.

 

            “Now lass, you know you’re never a bother. You just sit in that chair over there and I’ll whip something up for them quick as I can. If you want to help, I can give you some nuts to shell.”

 

            Cussa nodded, grateful for something to do with her hands. It was a task Bombur had given her many times over the past three years when she came down to the kitchens with her mind full of worry. She had gotten quite good at it over the years. By the time Bombur had finished her order, she had shelled nearly a bowl full of nuts. He smiled his thanks and stacked the trays so that they would be easier for her to carry back to Thorin’s sickroom and sent her off with a wave and a comforting smile. She returned his with a small one of her own.

 

            When Dwalin opened the door several minutes later to find her being the one to bear the trays he gave her a confused look. She shrugged and gave him a one that said ‘I needed something to do.’ He nodded in understanding, took the trays, and closed the door to return to Thorin. Cussa shook the memory of the sound of Thorin’s fading sobs drifting towards her as she came closer to his door, bearing his dinner. She still had another errand to run after all. And she would need all her strength to complete it.

 

            She well knew the path to Balin’s study. She had grown fond of visiting him and listening to the stories he could tell of the past. They could take her far away when she was unhappy and make her forget why she was unhappy. But as much as she liked Balin, she wished she were going somewhere else right now. But this information was sensitive, it was important that it was only heard by the right people. So she continued on until she reached his door and knocked.

 

            “Come in. Ah, my lady, to what do I owe the pleasure?” He gave her a small bow from the seat behind her desk.

 

                        “Dwalin sent me to tell you that Thorin has woken up.” Balin smiled at her words, but it faded as Cussa continued to speak. “He has amnesia. He does not remember the last three years. He did not even recognize me…”

 

            “Oh my lady… I’m so sorry… The head is tricky, sometimes when it gets struck, all the damage is repairable, but other times the injury damages places we cannot touch, and only time will tell if they will heal.”

 

            Cussa sniffed. She would not cry; this was important. “There’s more. He wants you to tell Fíli and Kíli about his condition. He also said to tell them that as far as he can tell, the sickness is gone.”

 

            Balin’s eyes widened. “Gone? Are you sure my lady?”

 

            “That’s what he said. I didn’t really get the chance to see much. He freaked out a little when a woman he didn’t recognize came barging into his room claiming to be his wife.” She gave a hollow laugh.

 

            “Thank you for telling me, I’ll send for the lads at once. You should rest my lady. This cannot have been easy on you, and I doubt it will become easy any time soon.” His words were not unkind, and she appreciated his honesty. She simply nodded and left the room. There was one last thing she had to do.

 

            She had Moifur summoned from the barracks. Dwalin trusted him and that was good enough for her. She knew that Dwalin would wish leave to meet with his brother and Thorin’s nephews once his king had fallen asleep, and that wouldn’t be long now. He would want someone he trusted to relieve him when his king was in such a vulnerable condition. For this, she was grateful. She wouldn’t have to worry about her king as she completed her next task. This one was just for her.

 

            Cussa followed Dwalin from the shadows as he left Thorin’s room after being relieved by Moifur. She waited while he collected Ori from the rooms they shared. She followed him and his bonded from their rooms to Balin’s study. After Dwalin and Ori entered the room, she crept closer to the door and listened. She felt badly for eavesdropping, but she couldn’t help it. She needed to know what was going on, what everyone was keeping from her. Because she knew that they would not tell her until the last minute, when she would have no time to prepare for whatever was to come. She soon regretted her actions however.

 

            She knew Thorin had not married her for love, but she had hoped that he would grow to love her in time. It had been known to happen in other bonds, so why not hers? But now she knew that he would never love her, for his heart belonged to another, the hobbit, Bilbo Baggins. She had heard of his deeds from other members of the company, not just Thorin, as she moved about Erebor unseen. Bombur and his family spoke highly of Bilbo to her openly, telling her stories of their adventure together and smiling fondly at their recollections. She knew the hobbit’s actions had been brave, and that he had done the best thing any of them could have to try and save Thorin before he got everyone killed. He was a worthy person, deserving of her king’s heart, and she tried to be happy for him having found such a wonderful person to love, but it hurt. She continued to listen, absentmindedly rubbing her stomach, until they began discussing ways that they could break her bond to Thorin should it come to pass that he wished to bond with his love instead. At that point she could no longer take it and quietly fled to the rooms she usually shared with Thorin.

 

            When she made it, she went through the motions of readying for sleep with tears coursing down her pretty face. She tried to reason with herself, saying she was still young, that perhaps she could find love that was returned before she grew too old to have the family she always wanted. It worked for a while. Her hands remained relatively steady as she undressed from her day clothes and redressed in her night clothes. But she finally lost her composure completely when she crawled into bed and was assaulted by Thorin’s scent from his pillows. Sobbing in earnest, she clutched at one of them and held it close, burying her face into it and wishing it was her bonded, her love. She would continue as normal, and not let on that she knew what was transpiring. She would wait for Thorin to summon her and tell her that he was sorry she had to be a victim of this situation. He was a good man after all, sickness or no, and he would be kind. And she would let him go, because she loved him. What else could she do? Eventually, she cried herself into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think? Please drop me a comment and let me know!
> 
> Is Dwalin too OOC? He's supposed to be a little cause I'm showing him behind his hard exterior, but still... he's hard to write...
> 
> What did you guys think of Cussa? I know a few of you didn't trust her, how do you feel about her now? Drop me a comment and tell me! :D
> 
> Let me know if anything confused you and I'll do my best to clarify it for you :)
> 
> ok... so this chapter was 3,223 words and 9 pages long in word... The previous chapter was 1,544 words, and 5 pages long in word. I hope you enjoyed this update! <3


	3. Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, first of all thank you so much everyone for putting me over 1,000 hits. You are all amazing, I love you. 
> 
> Secondly, I should have mentioned earlier, but I have a learning disability of my visual-motor integration. Here's a link that explains it well: http://www.therapystreetforkids.com/EyeHandCoord.html As a result of my learning disability, sometimes words, sentences, paragraphs, even more somehow don't make it on to paper for me. If this happens please let me know, I won't take offense. 
> 
> Thirdly, this first scene is not as well done as I wish it was because it's about a happy moment between a couple and my relationship is currently very not happy, so when I went to edit and polish it up I just couldn't, but I didn't want to delay the chapter. I'll come back and edit it properly once my relationship problems are over.
> 
> Thank you for understanding, enjoy the update. :)

            Before everyone departed from Balin’s study the night Thorin awoke, they made a plan to meet with the other members of the company for breakfast the following day. As Balin set about writing short notes for everyone, Dwalin said he needed to take Ori back to their rooms. He had to leave the empty mug with Balin because he could not reliably carry both the sleeping scribe and the mug, and he did not wish to drop either one. Balin said he could pick it up tomorrow and waved him out.

 

            Fili and Kili volunteered to take the notes and slip them under the doors to the rooms of the recipients. It gave them the opportunity for some rare alone time. The task took them some time to complete because they kept ducking into shadowed passage ways or behind statues to kiss with increasing frequency as the night went on, unable to keep their hands off their soul’s other half. It had been too long since they had held each other. They had dared not risk it when Thorin was unconscious because he could be unpredictable when waking up from an injury, and no one knew when that would be.

 

            Both dwarfs were flushed by the time they made it to Bombur’s door. They were just about to slip his copy of the note under his door when the dwarf himself appeared. “Well, hello there. What’s that you’ve got for me lads?”

 

            “Bombur! It’s good to see you.” Kili greeted enthusiastically, his spirits higher than they had been in a while after being able to spend a little time with his brother. “We’ve got a note for you. Thorin woke up today, but he’s not the same as he’s been the past three years if you catch my drift.”

 

            Bombur nodded. “I know.”

 

            “You know? Have rumors gone around about this?” asked Fili, alarmed.

 

`           “Calm yourself lad, I’ve not heard any rumors. The lady came to get food for Thorin and Dwalin at dinner today. I knew that something was up but I didn’t press the matter there. It wasn’t the time or place.”

 

            “Oh yes, I forgot she knew.” Kili said dismissively.

 

            “I understand why you don’t want to, but you two should show her more respect. She’s actually very nice, and I enjoy her company. It’s a pity about her situation really. A woman like her should be cherished for she is a rare find.”

 

            “We didn’t want an aunt, particularly not one barely older than us. We wanted another uncle. We wanted Bilbo to become our uncle.” Fili explained quietly.

 

            Bombur sighed. “I know lads, I know. How about you give me that note, and I’ll see you both at whatever’s planned. And make sure you’re coherent for it. I know that look boys, but I won’t stop you.”

 

            They flashed him a quick grin as if to say ‘who? Us?’ and carried on their merry way. They slipped their last two notes under Bofur and Bifur’s doors respectively and then fell behind yet another statue, Kili pressing Fili up against the wall and kissing him hungrily. Before long they were gasping for breath. It had been much too long.

 

            “My room,” Kili whispered between kisses. “It’s closer, and unoccupied. Legolas is staying with his father for a while.”

 

            “Alivyan will understand,” Fili gasped as Kili started on his neck.

 

            “Mmm… So would Legolas…”Kili murmured, his attention focused on his brother’s beautiful neck and drawing small sounds from him.

 

            “That’s why we bonded with them… Kili… Please…”

 

            Kili was merciful and pulled himself off his brother long enough to drag him to his room and lock the door.

 

* * *

 

            Bofur had always been an early riser. He woke with the sun, even though he couldn’t see it deep in the mountain as he was. Yet somehow its light found its way into his heart and bid him to wake and bid all the world a cheerful good morning. And that is exactly what he did. He awoke and said, “Good morning,” to nothing at all and yet everything in the world.

 

            He hummed a merry tune to his empty rooms, not having to fear waking anyone. Most people had expected Bofur to live with Bifur, insisting that his cousin needed looking after and that, seeing as Bofur had no family of his own like Bombur, he should be the one to do it. But what these people didn’t understand was that Bifur was not as disabled as he appeared. Despite his dramatic injury, Bifur had suffered little. The only major loss was that of the ability to speak any language other than his native tongue. Which wasn’t a terrible loss seeing as he lived among dwarves; everyone understood him just fine. He was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, and he had proved this many times on the road with the company, and many times before to his family. So Bofur had ignored what everyone said, but still stayed close. He enjoyed living near his family, it made visits much easier on everyone.

 

            Bofur’s thoughts took him through his morning routine, but just as he was about to step out the door, he heard a crinkle from under his boot. It was a note. He opened it up and read it. Apparently all members of the company were to meet over breakfast in one of the private conference rooms on the same level as the royal chambers and discuss some changes in Thorin’s condition and how to handle them. Well, that was intriguing. Most of the company was not on very good terms with Thorin these days. The man was consumed with dragon sickness, and it was painful for most of them to see just what reclaiming the mountain had cost their people. And Thorin’s treatment of Dwalin and Ori’s bond had been quite terrible. In their own ways though, the company still cared for Thorin, and wanted what was best for him. But he had thrown away what was best for him three years ago, and it had run back to The Shire, or rather _he_ had. Bofur missed Bilbo dearly.

 

            Bofur decided that he would go to the meeting. He arrived a little early. The next to arrive was Ori, pulling along a very tired and grumpy Dwalin. The man was not known to be a morning person, and Bofur did not attempt to engage him in conversation. Instead he chatted with Ori for a while, in low tones so as not to aggravate the warrior, as they waited for everyone to show up. Fili and Kili were among the last to show up, sporting bags under their eyes and matching grins. Fili walked with a slight limp and clasped Kili’s hand. Well, everyone knew what they were up to last night, and what they would be up to as soon as they left, if their furtive glances were anything to go on. When Bombur was asked after the lads assured everyone that he knew a little of what was going on already and that they should probably start without him. Balin added that he had asked him to make the breakfast for him and that was probably what was causing the delay.

 

            So Dwalin was called upon to tell the tale of Thorin’s awakening. Everyone was shocked to hear that their king and one time companion had amnesia, and that as far as Dwalin could tell, and Dwalin knew him better than most, the dragon sickness had finally left his mind. By all accounts this was good news, but it raised many issues and questions. Just as they were beginning to discuss these, Bombur came in pushing a trolley laden with trays of food. All talking ceased as everyone took an appreciative sniff of his brother’s cooking as their stomachs rumbled.

 

            The fat little cook began passing out trays to everyone. He gave Bofur two. Bofur was about to pass one to Ori, who was sitting next to him, when Bombur said, “Brother, would you please take that to the lady Cussa? She had a rough night and that’ll do her some good. Oh, and would you also tell her that she is welcome to come by and visit this afternoon?”

 

            Bofur gave his brother a pleading look. He had asked him, begged him even to stop sending him to the lady, but time and time again his brother ignored his requests and put him into positions where he could not refuse. As he suspected his brother’s face remained impassive, and he was forced to nod his assent.

 

            “Such a kind soul you are Bombur,” Dori declared. “Always thinking of others.”

 

            Bombur’s gaze hardened. “You all should too. Think of the lady that is. None of you ever do. She’s a victim of this as much as any of us, and more so than many. She is a person who should be cherished as much as any precious metal for her soul is gentle and kind, but she is stuck in a bond where she receives no love. Her only purpose to Thorin is to produce an heir for the throne. Do you know how much that girl wants a family? A proper family, with love and affection and happiness? And yet she has spent the past three years with Thorin, consumed as he is with sickness, and hardly sparing her more than a passing glace. Yet still she gives him loyalty. She deserves far more than to be cast aside so that Thorin can bond with Bilbo like he should have done in the first place, and I bet that was what you were all planning on doing. Well, I won’t agree to any plan where that happens. Keep that in mind.”

 

            And with that speech ringing in his ears, Bofur stepped out. He couldn’t listen anymore, because every word Bombur spoke was true, and every word broke his heart. To distract himself, Bofur inspected Cussa’s tray which he had placed on top of his own. There was a bowl of warm porridge with honey and nuts, a blueberry muffin, a bowl of fresh, chilled berries, and a mug of hot tea, peppermint from the smell of it. He allowed the smells to calm his rising anxiety as he moved closer and closer to the royal chambers.

 

            When he arrived, he told the guard that he had been sent by Bombur to bring the queen breakfast. The guard nodded and knocked impressively on the door. Silence. The guard knocked on the door again, more impressively this time. Bofur pitied his knuckles. After he had knocked a third time, the lady’s voice called out that she was coming. A few minutes later, she opened the door. She looked like hell. Her eyes were puffy and had dark circles beneath them, her hair was greasy and staticy and hastily brushed, and she was obviously still in her sleeping clothes, though she had thrown a robe over them to preserve her modesty.

 

 

            Bofur held out the trays. “Bombur told me to bring you breakfast my lady,” he said, and smiled. For even when she looked like hell she made him smile.

 

            Her eyes brightened a little as the smell of warm breakfast drifted in her direction and Bofur’s smile grew. “Then by all means come inside Bofur, and how many times must I ask you to call me Cussa?” she asked, waving him in before closing the door.

 

            “You’re a lady and should be addressed as such,” Bofur retorted stubbornly.

 

            “You’re older than me by at least fifty years!”

 

            “But you’re still my queen.”

 

            She huffed and led him to her kitchen and he placed her tray in front of her before sitting down across from her with his own. She immediately went for the tea and sighed in obvious relief after a sip. “Bombur, my sneaky guardian angel. He put headache tonic in my tea.”

 

            Bofur smiled some more, Bombur was like that. Bofur, however, was distinctly dispealsed with the lack of meat and eggs on his plate. Instead Bombur had made him a breakfast similar to the lady’s. His porridge had sliced fruits and honey. He also had a couple pieces of toast spread with grape jelly, and one of those strange circular pastries called ‘bagels’ that Bilbo had given Bombur a recipie for. The bagel was spread with creamed cheese. He also had a cold glass of water with a little sprig of mint in it.  “He said you’d had a rough night,” he mentioned casually after they had been eating for a while.

 

            Cussa stiffened a bit. “Yes, I did.”

 

            Bofur put down his spoon and looked her straight in the eyes. “Lady, I know. I know about Thorin.”

 

            “Dwalin and Balin got the word out quickly didn’t they? I’m not surprised really. Or at least I shouldn’t be.”

 

            “You’re  scared,” he stated simply, wanting her to be the one to elaborate.

 

            “Yes Bofur, I am very scared. More than anyone knows.”

 

            “Why? What frightens you so? Are you afraid that Thorin will leave you?”

 

            She pursed her lips and nodded, then shook her head.

 

            Bofur sighed. “I won’t push you lady. Bombur wanted me to tell you that you were welcome to come by this afternoon. Maybe playing with the little ones will ease your mind?”

 

            Without warning, Cussa’s eyes began to sparkle and her bottom lip began to tremble. Bofur couldn’t help himself. He was around the table and holding her before the first tear slid down her cheek. In another moment she had buried her face into his shirt and started sobbing brokenly.

 

            “Shh, Cussa, it’s alright, I’m here Cussa.” He loved the sound of her name, loved the way it caressed his tongue as he said it, and that was the real reason he always called her ‘lady’. He continued to murmur her name and soothing words, rub her back, and stroke her hair, until she had calmed enough to speak through her tears.

 

            “I’m sorry… Bofur… You know how I’ve always wanted a family. That’s why I love to go and visit Bombur’s. I want a family like his: large, happy, loving… My bond is neither happy, nor loving… And yet I have finally fulfilled my purpose to Thorin…”

 

            “Oh no… You don’t mean?”

 

            “I’m pregnant,” she confirmed with a hiccup. “I found out just before Thorin left to fight those orcs. I was going to tell him when he got back, but seeing as he was unconscious I couldn’t exactly do that. I had hoped that maybe if Thorin and I had a child, it would fix what was wrong with us, but now I know it could never be fixed. He loves another. Oh don’t look at me like that, I’m not proud of how I found out, but all that matters is that I know. He will break our bond, and he should. He should be with Bilbo. I have only heard good things about the hobbit. I hope that they are happy. But my child Bofur… What will become of my child?”

 

            Bofur had no answer for her, and Cussa’s sobs overtook her once more. Bofur continued to hold her gently, telling her it would all work out in the end somehow, and saying her name as often as he thought he could get away with. When the bench became too uncomfortable, he guided her to the sitting room he had seen on his way in and settled them both on the couch. She clutched at him again as soon as they had stopped walking. Eventually her tears died away into hiccups, and her hiccups died away into a sigh as she fell asleep, curled up in his arms. He traced the lines of her lovely face and whispered her name again, wishing he could take away all her worries and all her pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I swear I intended for this story to be Thorin centric, but the other characters are demanding the spot light right now. Thorin will come back in a chapter or two though, I promise! Please comment and give me something to do on my way home from the beach! I love to hear from you guys! Loved it, hated it, tell me! Questions? Ask me! I always respond to comments :D Just talk to me :D Oh, and follow me on Tumblr! I'm Amaya2278 there as well.


	4. Observations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um... yeah... This is really short... Sorry about that... but it would not let me make it ANY longer, I tried, believe me... So this is basically a filler chapter and I'll start working on the next one right away.
> 
> As per usual, thank you for all the hits, kudos, and bookmarks, and thank you to farawisa for being the only person so far to comment on the last chapter, and for commenting on every chapter so far :)

            After Bombur’s speech, everyone looked down sheepishly and didn’t say a word. He was right, they had all planned to simply cast Cussa aside. Eventually Balin spoke up.

 

            “Bombur’s right. Just because Thorin has forgotten the past three years doesn’t mean they never happened. We can’t pretend to have amnesia as well. Lady Cussa was a victim of the situation, and she’s a nice lass. Bombur, you seem to know her best, what do you think we could possibly give her in compensation?”

 

            Bombur looked relieved. “She doesn’t like to be in the spotlight. It’s made her uncomfortable. So a council position or something like that wouldn’t do, even though she’d be good at it. She does like to help people though, so we could look into something where she could do that without being in the spotlight. Another thing, she should be able to have the peace of mind to live comfortably. Nice quarters, financial security, the like. I don’t mean that we should empty the coffers, just give her enough that she won’t have to worry.”

 

            Here Bifur nodded his agreement. His cousin was doing a good thing. The lady Cussa was a kind hearted dwarf lass. She never treated him like he was a helpless dwarfling who couldn’t think or act for himself, and she understood how much he hated it when others did. She was kind to his cousin Bofur as well. Many thought Bofur was stupid because of the simple way he looked at the world, but Bifur thought he was wise. He kept his outlook positive because even with the long life spans of dwarfs, life is too short to be sad. So Bofur smiled, and spent his life and made his living by making other people smile. Lady Cussa understood that, and she smiled right along with him.

 

            Bifur also thought it was wise of Bombur to send Bofur away when he turned the conversation to the lady. Bofur was even more protective of her than either Bifur or Bombur. If he had barely been able to resist going to a mad Thorin about taking her for granted, Bifur shuddered to think what he’d say to the company about the subject. It was very unsettling to even think of seeing his normally cheerful cousin in such a state.

 

            Bifur listened attentively to what all the company members had to say as the meeting dragged on. Dori suddenly wanted to invite the lady over for tea and get to know her; his younger brothers rolled their eyes at this. Ori made the sensible suggestion that the lady and Thorin get to know each other properly, this time as friends, and that maybe, in time, she could become one of his advisors behind the scenes. It sounded like a good idea until Bombur informed everyone that the lady did actually care for Thorin, and that such an arrangement with Thorin potentially bonding with Bilbo could make her miserable. Throughout the entire conversation Nori had a speculative look on his face. No one asked the former thief turned spymaster what he was thinking, for they knew they wouldn’t get an answer.

 

            Bifur noticed that everyone avoided mentioning how Thorin and Bilbo were going to make up. No one knew what had happened to Bilbo after he left. For all they knew he could have married by now, or worse. Even if he wasn’t married, he might never forgive Thorin for what he had done. Everyone was trying to be optimistic and not think about these things, and if they weren’t speaking of the lady as well, Bifur would wish his cousin were there. He would have helped chase away the skepticism that darkened the faces of some present.

 

* * *

 

            Cussa slowly came to her senses. She didn’t want to wake up. She felt warm and comfortable, safe and secure, peaceful and calm. She slowly realized that a man was holding her, and that he smelled very nice, but he didn’t smell like Thorin, so she didn’t know who he was. But when she wasn’t properly awake that didn’t matter, because she felt secure and content, both of which she had not felt in a long time. After some time she was able to identify the smell of the man. Fresh woods, like pine and cedar, tree sap, and something smoky. She sighed and nuzzled closer to her protector, allowing his smell to envelop her. Just five more minutes, she thought to herself. After five minutes she’d wake up and figure out what was going on. But for that moment, she allowed herself to drift back off to sleep and dreamed of walking in an evergreen forest on a mountaintop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it. I've been having a really tough time IRL lately, which is probably why I've been able to write so much of this story, and I would really appreciate it if you guys would just drop a comment and let me know what you thought, it makes my day a little better when I see a comment in my inbox. 
> 
> As I said before, I'll start working on the next chapter right away, and hopefully have it up by like... Thursday or something... but idk... We'll see...


	5. A Bath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I have no idea how on earth I'm updating this fast... All I can say is don't get used to it! lol. There's a couple of spots where I couldn't get the kinks all the way out, but it's just a bit of awkward wording. I'll try and fix it up when I go back through after this is all complete. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for all the feedback on the last chapter! One person told me I should update my tags, so I did. If there's anything anyone thinks I should warn for, please let me know! Or if you have a specific trigger you think I should be aware of in the case that I don't tag it right away.

            When next Cussa awoke, the first thing she was aware of was a deep desire to bathe. She felt relaxed, more so than she had in years, but she needed to bathe so she needed to open her eyes and get up. It took a while to make herself open her eyes, but when she did, she saw Bofur gazing down at her tenderly. But that might have been her imagination because the look was gone in an instant, replaced with his usual gentle smile. She suddenly recalled waking up briefly to the feeling of being held by a man and the smell of fresh woods, tree sap, and something smoky, and she realized that that man had been Bofur.

 

            “Feeling better?” he asked softly, as if there was a spell hanging over the both of them and he didn’t want to break it.

 

            “Yeah, but like I really need a bath,” she said back just as softly.

 

            He chuckled and lifted one hand from where it rested on her shoulders to ruffle her greasy hair. “Aye, you probably do, but I don’t mind.”

 

            “Well, I do,” she said with a small smile, but she delayed getting up. She liked the feel of Bofur’s hands, one resting at the middle of her back, the other still playing with her hair. She didn’t know why she enjoyed it, she simply found it soothing. But her mission was still to get a bath, so she eventually sat up a bit. Bofur’s hands slid slowly down her arms to her elbows before pulling away. If she had thought about it, she would have noticed how bold it was for him to touch her like that, and how there was absolutely no shame in his eyes for it. But Cussa didn’t think about these things, she thought about her bath and how much she needed it.

 

            “Would you like me to go so you can take a bath?” he asked, still using that soft voice. It was so unusual to hear. Ordinarily he was loud and boisterous.

 

            “No, you can stay,” she said and flushed. Where did that even come from? It was such an inappropriate thing to say! “I won’t be long.”

 

            Bofur nodded. “Then I’ll stay, lady.”

 

            “It’s Cussa,” she said, and fled.

 

            Her hands shook as she collected some clothes to wear for the day. She, a bonded woman, was going to bathe with an unbonded man in her rooms and without her bonded present. For Mahal’s sake her bonded was the king! She could not believe she was doing this, but do it she did, for there was no backing out of it now.

 

            The best thing about the royal chambers, Cussa had decided long ago, was the private hot spring to bathe in. As she entered the cave just off the bedroom, she felt her worries about how improper her actions were slip away into the steam. She left her clothes in a cupboard near the door where they wouldn’t get too damp and made her way to the small spring. She slipped in and let the hot water do its work on her tense muscles before she swam over to the little rock shelf where she kept her bathing needs. After she washed her body with a liquid soap that smelled like violets and her hair with a shampoo that smelled like rosemary, she felt like the Queen under the Mountain again. True to her word it didn’t take her long to get clean and ready to face the day. Within half an hour she was back on the couch with Bofur, this time sitting at an appropriate distance away from him, clean and fully dressed. They sat in awkward silence.

 

            Eventually Cussa broke it, speaking softly like Bofur had when she had woken up. “I’m sorry about earlier… I guess I was just feeling a little overwhelmed…”

 

            “There’s nothing to apologize for, lady. You’re in a very difficult position; I’d be surprised if you didn’t break down at some point.” He paused, and then added, “Bombur knows, doesn’t he? That’s why our breakfasts were the way they were.”

 

            She nodded. “He brought me bacon and eggs one morning and I was sick by just the smell. He knew what it meant of course and got me a new plate right away, and has kept my meals low in smell and high in nutrition ever since.”

 

            Bofur nodded then asked the most important question. “Are you going to tell Thorin?”

 

            Cussa sighed. “Not until after the bond is broken. Otherwise Thorin might feel like he has to stay with me, and he wouldn’t be happy doing that. I’ll have to be careful though, it won’t be long before I start showing. I should probably tell Balin though, so I can figure out the laws about such things.”

 

            “Aye, you should. But lady, you needn’t fear for your child’s future. I know you have never seen this side of him before because you have only known him when he was with dragon sickness, but family is very important to Thorin. He would want to be a part of his child’s life and provide for it. Besides, you also have us: Bombur, Bifur, and I. We’d never leave you to raise a child on your own. Bifur and I are used to playing the role of uncle, we’ve had lots of practice, and Bombur has helped his wife through many pregnancies.”

 

            Cussa smiled. Of course, she was being silly. It would be difficult, that was for sure, but not impossible. “Thank you, Bofur,” she said, eyes sparkling just a little.

 

            “Not at all,” he said, his usual kind smile back on his face. “And lady, if you ever need anything you let me know ok? I mean it, anything, at any time. Just send tell a guard to send for me, and I’ll come.”

 

            A single tear fell down her cheek. “Thank you, Bofur, thank you so very much,” and forgetting propriety she leaned forward and hugged him tightly. And if he held her a little too tenderly, she didn’t notice, because she was once again lost in his scent.

 

* * *

 

            Bofur left the royal chambers a few minutes later. The lady smiled as she waved him off, promising to come by and visit Bombur’s family that afternoon. Bofur smiled back and kept the smile until he was out of sight of the guards, then he dropped it. This was bad, worse than he thought, and there were two dwarfs he needed to have strong words with.

 

            He walked swiftly and before long was standing before Bombur’s door. He strode in without knocking, grabbed Bombur by the back of his collar, turned to his wife and said, “Do you mind if I borrow him for a bit?” then dragged him out without waiting for an answer.

 

            Next he went to Bifur’s door. Again he entered without knocking, still dragging Bombur along, found his cousin, crooked his finger at him, turned around, and left. Bifur was no fool, he followed.

 

            When they were all in Bofur’s rooms at last, Bofur released Bombur. He spluttered and massaged his neck. “For Mahal’s sake brother, was that really necessary?”

 

            “Yes. Yes it was.” Bofur replied coldly. These were his danger signs: cold voice, no smile, mildly aggressive behavior. It was hard to make Bofur angry, but once a person had, he became a force to be reckoned with.

 

            Bifur spoke up. “ _He did the right thing cousin, sending you away when we started talking about the lady._ ”

 

            “And where did he send me Bifur? To the lady! I don’t ask for much from either of you, but you constantly deny me the one thing I ask for time and time again, to let me stay away from her. Why can you not allow me this one request?”

 

            Bombur sighed. “It’s what’s best brother.”

 

            “What’s best for who? You are using me Bom! You’re torturing me unnecessarily, and putting me in a position where I cannot break. And I have done nothing to deserve this. Out of all the people in the world, I thought you’d understand, and you as well Bifur… Why don’t you understand? I have to let this go, and you won’t let me! And Bom, I know now… How could you have done that to me? You set me up to find out in the worst way possible.” He sighed, turned around, and got his coat, a pair of leather gloves, and a hatchet from by the door.

 

            “Where are you going?” Bombur asked, alarmed.

 

            “Out to gather some wood. I need to get out of this place for a while.”

 

            “ _Bofur, don’t you want to know what happened at the meeting?_ ” Bifur asked, trying to stop his cousin running away.

 

            “Tell me tomorrow,” he said tersely, and just like that he left, shutting the door in their astonished faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't shoot me! D: but please leave a comment, I'd love to hear what you think even if it's that I'm a horrible person for doing that! <3


	6. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I'm going to warn everyone now. There's a teeny, tiny bit of self harm in this chapter. It's not descriptive or very bad, but I have self harm triggers so I take the whole business very seriously. That said, it's just someone punching a wall and not anything more severe, but I figured I should mention it just in case. Moving on.
> 
> Thank you once again for all the lovely comments, kudos, bookmarks, and views. They brighten my day :D Enjoy the chapter!

            Thorin had woken up late, just before noon in fact. The guard on duty immediately sent someone down to the kitchens to get the king something to eat. He was just finishing his meal when there was a knock on his door. He wiped his mouth with his napkin and called, “Come in.”

 

            His nephews walked in the room. Fíli’s face was expressionless, but Kíli’s held a hard, stormy glare directed straight at his uncle. Thorin gulped. This was not a talk he was looking forward too. He was very confused, however, when suddenly the two burst out into fits of giggles.

 

            “What?” Thorin asked, mildly affronted.

 

            “You just…You just look so ridiculous uncle!” Kíli gasped as his giggles turned into roars of laughter. And indeed he did. He had white bandages wrapped around his head injuries at an angle that made him look like a pirate who had lifted up his eye patch and rested it on his forehead. His hair was sticking up in odd places around the bandages, and his braids were half undone. Once his majestic pout was added into the equation, the sight simply became too amusing to keep a straight face, even if Fíli and Kíli were very angry with their uncle. Both were doubled over in laughter, Kíli’s loud and raucous, Fíli’s silent.

 

            Eventually their laughter died down and they were able to tell him why they were there. “Dwalin sent us,” Kíli explained. “He thought it best that family explain the family issues that have occurred in the last three years.” And so they began to tell him in turns, Fíli contributing little and infrequently, about their injuries and how they had gravitated more strongly towards each other during their recoveries, shaken by the fact that each had almost lost the other.

 

            “When you recovered in body, it became apparent that the dragon sickness still had hold of your mind. Our relationship became a problem, and you started looking for ways to end it. You assigned us tasks separate from each other, you sent female dwarfs to attend to us while we were still recovering, and when these things didn’t work you had a little chat with us.”

 

            Fíli spoke up for the first time in a while and, for the first time since entering the room looked his uncle in the eyes. “You told us we were a disgrace to the Line of Durin. That we sought to make all we fought for meaningless by being with each other.” What struck Thorin most about that moment, wasn’t what Fíli said, but how there was no anger in his eyes as he did. His eyes were empty, hollow, guarded.

 

            Kíli nodded and took up the tale again. “Yes, you told us that our duty as heirs was to continue the line and that if we wouldn’t do that then we weren’t fit to be your heirs. You said we had exactly one month from the moment we had fully recovered to make our choice. Would we be selfish or responsible?”

 

            “We chose both,” Fíli said quietly. “We bonded with others besides each other, but we each chose our bonded very carefully. I bonded with an old friend of ours when she arrived from the Blue Mountains with the caravan. Alivyan.”

 

            “Mother came with the caravan too, but left again after multiple unsuccessful attempts to ‘talk some sense’ into you. After she left, I searched for a loophole. I had no desire to bond with anyone other than Fíli, but if I had to, I would not bond with a woman. I’ve simply never had any desire to have physical contact of any kind with a woman. So I pestered you and pestered you until you gave me the loophole I needed. You told me to bond with anyone but Fíli. I gave you a chance to clarify but still you said anybody. So I bonded with Legolas. We had become friendly while his father had to stay to heal you. We compared bows and techniques and I enjoyed his company. Also bonding with him had the added effect of pissing you off. You tried to argue when I courted Legolas, but you couldn’t deny your own words and were forced to let it be.”

 

            “We had arrangements with our bonded.”

 

            “We wouldn’t expect them to be faithful and they wouldn’t expect us to be faithful to them. They would get the benefits of bonding with the princes and heirs of Erebor, and we would get other advantages.”

 

            “Like disobeying you behind your back and remaining together despite the circumstances.”

 

            “These past three years have been hell, being able to spend so little time together. We share a soul; we are never complete without the other there. Sometimes we aren’t able to see or touch each other for days at a time, and it hurts. Without Fíli my heart aches and everything feels wrong. I need him.”

 

            “And I need Kíli. He’s my other half. My world is colorless without him.”

 

            The brothers fell silent, their story over. It was a long time before Thorin could address them. When he did, his voice shook. “I will never be able to express to the two of you how sorry I am for what you have endured over the past three years. If I could, I would take it all away. If I had been stronger, none of this would have happened. You lads don’t have to worry any more. Talk to Balin, ask him how to break your bonds, and do so. When I am recovered, my first act will be to oversee the bonding ceremony between the two of you. I promise. I’ll get a letter to Dís and let her know that I’m doing what I can to fix the damage I’ve caused over the years. She’d want to be here when you bond after all.”

 

            His nephews looked as if they couldn’t believe their ears for a few minutes, then they rushed up and hugged Thorin. “Thank you, uncle,” they whispered in unison.

 

* * *

 

            Bofur stayed out all afternoon, and all evening. When it finally got too dark to stay out, he headed back to Erebor, his bag full of wood slung over his shoulder. He nodded to the guards on duty as he entered the mountain and made his way up to his rooms. When he got near them, the lady slipped out of the shadows and feel into step beside him carrying a tray.

 

            “I missed you at Bombur’s this afternoon,” she said by way of greeting.

 

            “I went out,” he said, indicating his bag.

 

            “I know, Bombur told me when I asked. Said you two had a fight, and that you had a right to be upset. I hope it wasn’t about what I told you earlier…”

 

            “No, it wasn’t, we had other issues. It wasn’t your fault lady.” No, it wasn’t her fault, it was his.

 

            She sighed in obvious relief. “I’m not glad you two fought, but I’m glad it wasn’t about me. Do you want to talk about it?”

 

            Bofur shook his head and changed the subject. “What’s that you’ve got there?”

 

            She smiled. “Your dinner. I know you haven’t eaten since breakfast this morning. Don’t worry, there’s plenty of meat. It won’t upset my stomach at this time of day.”

 

            Bofur’s stomach rumbled in appreciation. “Thank you, lady.”

 

            When they arrived at his rooms, Bofur let the lady in and set down his bag and hung up his hatchet before leading her to his kitchen. She set his tray before him and sat across from him at his table. Bofur began uncovering the dishes on his tray. First there was a large bowl of hearty beef and vegetable stew. Next there was a small loaf of bread. Finally he uncovered a flagon on ale. Forgetting propriety for a moment, he ripped off a chunk of the bread, dunked it in the stew, bit into it, and moaned. Next he took a gulp of the ale, and nearly moaned again. It was the ale they, meaning he and his brother and his cousin, had put down in October of the previous year.

 

            “Bombur always thinks a good meal can mend anything,” Bofur remarked in between mouthfuls of the stew.

 

            “And can it?” the lady inquired.

 

            “Not in this case, but he’s welcome to keep trying.”

 

            The lady smiled a bit at this, and continued to watch him eat. At long last he put down his spoon with a sigh and began to slowly finish off the ale. The lady began to tell him of her visit to Bombur and his family and how it had brightened her day.

 

            “Though I wish you had been there. I enjoy watching you play your flute for the little ones and join in their games. It makes me think what a great father you’d make,” she said wistfully as she rubbed her stomach absent mindedly.

 

            Bofur almost chocked on his ale. She knew not what her words did to him, what they made him desire.

 

            She didn’t seem to notice and continued speaking. “Do you want children Bofur?”

 

            The question made his heart ache. “Yes, very much so. I’d love to have a large brood of children like Bombur has.”

 

            “Do you think Bifur wants children?”

 

            “No, I think he’s happy being an uncle. He doesn’t talk about it, but after all he’s been through he appreciates some alone time. He has family to love and spend time with, but when he needs to he can take a step back. He couldn’t do that if he had children of his own.”

 

            She nodded as though his answer made sense and engaged him in small talk about his day outdoors until she began to yawn. He was by her side quickly, hand extended to her. “Come on, I’ll walk you to your rooms.”

 

            She took his hand and allowed him to pull her up. He tried to ignore the tingle he felt where they touched as she yawned again and started to protest.

 

            “I insist, lady,” he said with a smile. He couldn’t help it; she was very cute when she was tired.

 

            She smiled back at him. “Very well, I suppose I have no choice. Let’s go then.”

 

            They chatted amicably as they walked. By mutual consensus they agreed to stop before they were in sight of the guards on the royal chambers so that people wouldn’t go spreading rumors.

 

            “Well then, good night Bofur.” She said as she turned to him.

 

            “Good night, lady.”

 

            “Bofur, I’ve let you call me ‘lady’ all evening. Could you just indulge me this once and use my name?”

 

            He paused for a while, trying desperately to disobey her, but he couldn’t deny the cajoling smile on her face. “Very well,” he whispered after a while. “Good night… Cussa…”

 

            She beamed at him. “See? That wasn’t too hard,” and she gave him a quick hug and a wave before walking the rest of the way back to her rooms.

 

            He waited until he heard her door close, then turned and slammed his fist into the wall and slumped. “Mahal save me,” he whispered into the silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um... yeah... yet again, don't hate me D: But let me know what you think even if you do! Cause I love hearing from all of you! :D <3


	7. Responsibility

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I say anything else, I want to give my condolences to any and all affected by what occurred in Boston or Venezuela today. My heart goes out to you all. I hope that if nothing else, my updating can provide someone a little time to escape somewhere else while they deal with any shock they may be experiencing.
> 
> Ok, now that I have gotten through the heavy stuff, I have one thing to say. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE hearing from you guys, really it makes my day. I'm happy to hear constructive criticism as well. Sometimes I get a little absentminded and forget to update my tags. However, please do not give nonconstructive criticism unless you say "This is something I noticed, I don't exactly know how to fix it but I thought I should let you know anyway." something like that is okay. But, saying something like "I used to like your story, but now I think it's just a mary sue story and you don't warn for that and I don't like that. No offense." Ahem. That is nonconstructive. That aside, thank you for all the positive feedback and constructive criticism and requests for further explanations I have received. You guys are wonderful.
> 
> Here's the chapter, a little late, I know, but it's still Monday in a couple of time zones... right?

            Dwalin came to Thorin’s room around an hour or so after his nephews had left. He brought with him an unwelcome sight, one of Oin’s tonics. They had great affects, but they tasted downright nasty.

 

            “I passed Oin on my way here after having my meeting with Balin interrupted by your rambunctious nephews. He said you needed to drink this. All of it.”

 

            Thorin tried to hide in his sheets, but at a look from Dwalin he grumpily made a face and held out his hand. He drank the tonic down as quickly as he could and made another face, reaching for the water at his bedside.

 

            “So, I take it from the lads’ faces your talk went well?”Dwalin inquired as Thorin guzzled an entire cup of water in an attempt to wash out the taste of the tonic.

 

            Thorin gasped in relief. “Yes, it went well from their perspective. For me it was very painful. I can’t believe I did those things. I can’t believe I said those things…” his eyes clouded with pain.

 

            Dwalin reached down and clasped his old friend’s shoulder. “Hey, I know. You did terrible things then, but you weren’t yourself. You’re doing the best you can now and that’s what counts. And the company is here to help you, just like we were when we reclaimed our mountain. Now, I imagine you have some questions about your nephews.”

 

            Thorin shook himself mentally. Dwalin was right. He was doing the best he could with the situation he had been given. “Yes, I do. Fíli… He’s so different… What changed him? Was it living like that for three years?”

 

            Dwalin shook his head. “In part, but for the most part no. You have to remember, they share a soul. One cannot survive long without the other. Both of them were severely injured in the Battle of Five Armies, as were you. The healers weren’t sure if any of you would live. All of you did, but the lads were never quite the same. Fíli has never recovered in mind. He has become cautious and quiet. The battle taught him that a ruler must make level headed choices at all times, or he could risk the lives and livelihoods of all his people, and the weight of that responsibility has sat heavily on his shoulders ever since. These days only Kíli can truly make him smile.”

 

            Thorin felt a pang in his heart for his nephew. He was too young to have had to experience that harsh reality. But Dwalin wasn’t done speaking, there was more to tell.

 

            “Kíli is the converse. After the battle he began to take in every joy he could possibly find. He knows now that life is fickle, fleeting, even in such a long lived race as ours. He laughs at the slightest provocation, wears a smile whenever he can, and brings life to a room. But happiness is not the only thing he feels passionately. He is very protective of anything he places a high value on, especially Fíli, and that protectiveness can be dangerous. He can become violent and defensive at the slightest provocation.”

 

            Thorin understood the trauma his nephews had been through, the lessons they had learned, and how it had shaped them. He had seen his fair share of tragedy over the course of his life. But he never wished for his nephews to know these things so intimately. “Maybe now that they can have each other, they will begin to heal a little, but they will likely always bear the scars from this experience. The physical, the emotional, and the mental. Some things never fade. Tell me Dwalin, do they still make mischief at times?”

 

            Dwalin nodded. “Aye, sometimes.”

 

            Thorin smiled. “Then they are not completely lost. Would you tell me of their escapades, old friend?”

 

            And so they passed the rest of the afternoon, laughing a little at the pranks the princes had occasionally played on members of the company over the last three years.

 

* * *

 

            Fíli and Kíli ran towards Balin’s study. When they got close they began shouting his name repeatedly, as if doing so would get them there faster. They fell through his door panting a minute later. The dwarf they searched for looked at them over the spectacles he had begun wearing when he read.

 

            “Balin,” Kíli wheezed. “We need… to talk… to you…”

 

            “Yes, we heard,” he said dryly.

 

            Kíli was still trying to get his breath back. “We?” And he looked around, noticing Dwalin for the first time.

 

            The warrior inclined his head at the princes.

 

            Kíli straightened up, winced, and clutched at a stich in his side. He really needed to work out more, being a prince had made him soft. “Thank you Dwalin. We owe you more than I can tell you. You were right, it was us who needed to talk to him, and thank you for forcing us to do it.” Then Kíli and his brother bowed low to the warrior.

 

            Dwalin looked pleased with himself. “I’m glad it went well lads. Well, I can see that you two are in need of Balin’s services more than I am at the moment. I’ll go visit Thorin while you all sort things out.” And with another nod of this head, he left.

 

            Once the door was closed Kíli frantically related the tale of how their talk with Thorin had gone. “And he told us to come talk to you about how to break our bonds and said that he’d send Mother a letter about how he was finally putting things to rights and he said we could bond, and that he’d preside over it and that he was sorry and and… And…” Kíli ran out of words. Balin just looked at him. Kíli got impatient. “Well?”

 

            “You didn’t pay a lick of attention last night did you?” he sighed at last, looking disappointed.

 

            “Well, no, I was a little distracted being so close to Fíli after so long. You know how soul bonds are; I couldn’t have paid attention if I tried, and I did thank you very much. Fíli, do you remember anything they said about this last night?”

 

            Fíli shook his head. It appeared as though he was still in shock about all that had happened that afternoon. He did, however, come up and slip his hand into Kíli’s, their fingers automatically entwining, and give Balin a look that indicated he had his full attention. Balin eyed the two of them carefully, then nodded, seemingly satisfied with what he saw.

 

            “Very well. There are two ways to break a bond. One way occurs when one member of the bond has broken the law or done something unforgivable to their bonded or their children. In this situation, the other member of the bond may go before the ruler, present their situation, and ask that the bond be severed. In such a situation, if the ruler consents to the dwarf’s request he will say “I release you from the burden your bond has become. May Mahal light your path to happiness.” But this is not the situation the two of you are in. The second way to break a bond is when both members feel it has run its course. They hold a public ceremony and speak together to break the bond. The words are thus. “Though our bond has run its course, we part with no ill will. For Mahal has willed this time would come and our parts we fulfill. We wish only the best for each other and for Mahal to light the path from this time to another.” Then the two bonded kiss one last time, unbraid the courting and bond beads from their hair, and return them to each other, and then the bond is broken. If you two are to be able to bond with each other, this is what you must do.”

 

            They nodded sagely. They had taken every word to heart and understood its meaning. They understood to why Balin had told them both ways to break a bond. As future rulers of Erebor, they would need to know those words, for one day they might have to use them.

 

            Fíli asked softly, “Balin, could you write those lines down for us, so that we and our bonded might practice them in preparation for the ceremonies?”

 

            Balin nodded and copied the verse on to four different sheets of parchment. He handed them over, two to each prince. “Be careful lads, I don’t know when we will be able to do this ceremony. The past three years must be explained to the people somehow, delicately. It’s a blessing and a curse that our people are familiar with the sickness that clouded his mind. We need the people to trust not only him, but the two of you as well after this all comes to light. Keep your images as spotless as possible while we figure things out. That said, I am so very happy for you lads. You deserve to be able to be with one another without having to sneak around.”

 

            The lads nodded their thanks and left. They knew what they needed to do. They needed to see and be seen, and all in a good light. They stopped at their rooms to drop off the papers and pick up their weapons, then headed for the training room. It had been a while since they had visited. Fíli began practicing forms with his swords while Kíli went about target practice. Once they were warmed up they began to spar with each other and others practicing in the room. A few hours later they returned to their own rooms to wash and don clean clothes. Meeting up again in the corridor, they made their way down to the dining hall and sat at the empty head table, surveying their people calmly as they ate. The people appeared surprised to see members of the royal family actually dining down with them, but soon the novelty wore off and they talked amongst themselves as usual.

 

            After dinner, the princes made their way back up to their rooms. On their way they saw Bofur, his face stormy, carrying a bag of wood and a hatchet. While it was disturbing and confusing to see the normally cheerful toymaker in such a state, the princes didn’t dare ask him what was wrong. They simply eyed the hatchet, kept their distance, and prayed he didn’t turn round and see them.

 

            Sometime later, they made it to their rooms. In a corner of a shadowed alcove they gave each other a tender, longing goodnight kiss. They knew they wouldn’t be fooling around any until their bonds were broken. They had their mountain and its people to think of, and even though they wanted to be selfish and damn the consequences, they knew better. And it was this knowledge that made them pull away from each other, however reluctantly with only a murmured “Goodnight,” passing between them as they entered their separate rooms. Their time would come soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for long AN at the beginning. Please let me know what you guys think, and I seriously hope that none of you were injured or suffered a loss in today's tragedies. Or a victim of the storms that raged through Florida on Sunday. I had to drive through the damage of a place where a water spout had come ashore coming back from my time at the beach. And right before that I had to cross a bay on a bridge in that weather and it was terrifying... Seriously, my best wishes are with you all. Ok, ranty AN's need to stop. Love y'all! <3


	8. Bonded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while guys, I've had a rough past several days. Things may continue to be slow until things clear up. I apologize for that and for how unpolished this chapter is. I could really use a beta. If you follow me on Tumblr you can keep a closer eye on my progress and give input when I get stuck :)
> 
> One thing I keep forgetting to mention, I have made several nods to Brian Jacques who was my favorite author, and still is even though he has passed away. Kudos to anyone who has caught them. Speaking of Kudos, thank you all for the kudos, bookmarks, comments, etc. I love you all and your comments brighten my day :)

            Over the next few days Thorin was seen frequently by his healers. His memories had not yet come back, and no one expected them to at this point. With a good deal of work and a large amount of help, however, he was able to get a decent understanding of what had occurred over the last three years. As he worked to wrap his mind around his lost memories, he also worked to regain strength in his body. It was arduous work, but Dwalin helped him through it. To their annoyance, all Thorin’s exercises had to be performed in the presence of a healer to ensure that Thorin did not over stretch or reinjure himself.

 

            In between the physical therapy sessions with Dwalin and the healers, Thorin met with members of the company, many now high ranking in their chosen fields. Bifur came and told him of the sad affair his mining politics had been over the past three years, and the number of deaths he had been indirectly responsible for. It was a hard visit, and Bifur patted him on the shoulder before he left. Ori came one time with Dwalin and during the physical therapy session told Thorin of the restoration of Erebor’s great library and his new position as an apprentice scholar.

 

            Nori came and told him of the intelligence network and the number of assassinations it had prevented, among other important tidbits of information. Dori visited once with a tea that he said would help decrease the tension and soreness in his muscles. Amazingly, he was correct, but it wasn’t surprising seeing as the dwarf had opened up a tea shop that sold medicinal teas as well as teas to enjoy with a selection of pastries. The shop didn’t get much traffic, but Dori didn’t need the money and enjoyed chatting with the regulars, many of whom were scholars alongside Ori. He added almost as an afterthought as he was leaving that he should probably try to expand his operation to Dale.

 

            Balin spoke to him of how the politics had evolved over the past three years, and how relations were currently with other regions and leaders and other dwarf clans. Dwalin told Thorin of Oin and Gloin. Oin was even more deaf than he had been three years ago, and had replaced his damaged ear trumpet with a very fine one that worked better. He still worked with the healers at times, but he was moving towards retirement because of his poor hearing. Gloin’s family had come to join him here in Erebor, and Gloin tried to spend as much time with his wife and son Gimli as he could, but was always up to join other dwarfs to fight against the occasional parties of orcs attacking travelers. He also worked to train his son Gimli to use an axe, and could be frequently seen in the training room teaching him forms.

 

            Finally Thorin met with Bombur. Bombur told him not only about how he and the other cooks had been able to feed the mountain with the help of the people who had rebuilt the city of Dale, but also of the wife Thorin did not know. He didn’t say much, merely described her personality and how fond he and his wife were of her. He told Thorin of the times he had brought her home for dinner to play with his little ones, and how much she seemed to enjoy it. While all of this was very interesting to Thorin, he wondered about Bofur and asked his brother of him. The fat little cook was rather cryptic in his answer. “I don’t know if it is wise for the two of you to meet yet. You see, there are very few dwarfs residing in Erebor who are more angry with you than Bofur is.” And with that, Bombur would say no more on the subject and left.

 

            At long last, Dwalin deemed Thorin sufficiently filled in to meet his bonded. On the appointed day, Dwalin brought her in, introduced her, and told her gently that if she needed him he would be in Balin’s study. Then he left the two rulers of Erebor alone together.

 

* * *

 

            Fíli had an easy time filling his bonded in on the good news. He told her the very night after he found out that he was finally allowed to bond with Kíli. She shrieked with glee and threw her arms around him.

 

            “Oh I’m so happy for both of you Fíli! And for me honestly,” she told him with a cheeky grin.

 

            Fíli gasped in fake horror. “Is the crown prince of Erebor not good enough for you? Who would do then?”

 

            “Fear not fine prince, for it is not you per say. I am a dwarf maiden after all. We long for romance, passion, love! Yet none of these things you offer me! I shall have to be bold, step out as is unbefitting of a maiden, and seek what I so desire myself!” she finished her dramatic speech with a little huff.

 

            Fíli tried to keep a straight face but failed and dissolved into laughter. Alivyan had had to work hard to find a way to drag the old Fíli out of his protective shell, but she had succeeded eventually, and she was very pleased with her results. Apparently he enjoyed drama. They spent the rest of the evening discussing what they needed to do to sever the bond and what she could expect once they had.

 

            Kíli had a more difficult time. His bonded was in Mirkwood visiting his father, and the dwarf had to send him a raven telling him that they needed to talk as soon as possible. It had taken a couple days, but Legolas eventually returned the raven with instructions to meet him at a specific location in the forests on the mountain. Kíli went there straight away. When they met, they embraced. They had always been rather affectionate towards each other.

 

            “We need to talk,” Kíli said nervously.

 

            “Yes, I gathered that by the note you sent telling me we needed to talk.” Legolas remarked dryly, though not unkindly.

 

            “There’s no one around is there?”

 

            “Just us, as promised.”

 

            “Good, good…” then he blurted out, “Uncle has amnesia.”

 

            Legolas raised his eyebrows. “That was unexpected, how hard did that orc hit him?”

 

            “Hard enough to knock the dragon sickness out of him,” Kíli said gravely.

 

            “Oh my… What will this mean for your people?”

 

            Kíli bit his lower lip. “I don’t know; it worries me a lot… Things will be changing so much, and the people will have to be told why eventually. I don’t know what will happen then. The politics of the mountain were unstable enough as it was, but now Thorin’s politics will change. He’ll pursue Bilbo as his consort, we all know that. If Bilbo will still have him, what will the people say about being ruled by a hobbit who stole the arkenstone and gave it away? I’m so worried Legolas.”

 

            The elf took Kíli into his arms and began to stroke his hair. He was well familiar with soothing Kíli, he had had to do it for three years, and he was happy to do it now.

 

            Softly, he asked, “What will this mean for you?”

 

            Kíli looked up at him. “Uncle has given Fíli and me permission to bond; he said he’d oversee it himself, as his first act once he was well.”

 

            Legolas smiled. “This is what you needed to talk about.”

 

            “Yes.”

 

            “Well, what do you need me to do? Do not misunderstand me Kíli, I have enjoyed being with you, but you are not my soul mate and I am not yours. I am at peace,” and indeed his serene smile indicated it was so.

 

            Kíli positively beamed. He had been a little worried. His bond had been well matched, it needed to be to keep him from going crazy while Fíli was away for long periods of time, and because of that he had wondered if Legolas had come to love him, but apparently the elf was smarter than that, and Kíli was grateful. “We have to do a public ceremony. There’s some lines we have to say together, I brought you a copy of them, and then we must kiss one last time, remove our courting and bonding beads and return them to each other, and then the bond is broken.”

 

            “Sounds simple enough,” Legolas remarked, looking over the lines. “When will the ceremony take place?”

 

            “I don’t know, it depends upon Thorin’s health and how long it takes mother to arrive from the blue mountains. Fíli sent her a letter because he didn’t trust her to open the one Thorin sent.” He chuckled, picturing his mother spitefully burning the letter. “I expect it would take about two to three weeks. You’ll have enough time to finish up your visit.”

 

            Legolas shook his head. “I can finish the visit later. You need me now.”

 

            Kíli sighed gratefully and buried his face into Legolas’s chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few additional notes. One, to write those two lines that Alivyan has, I ended up writing over 400 words of back story. You can find them here if you are interested, because I doubt much of it will actually work it's way in to the story itself. http://amaya2278.tumblr.com/post/48506915925/i-hate-writing-about-an-undeveloped-character
> 
> Also, about Kili and Legolas... They did have a sexual relationship, though I still haven't decided if they ever actually had sex. They didn't plan to have a sexual relationship though. However, the first time Fili was away from Erebor for too long, Kili managed to smash up a pub in Dale and Balin had to do some major damage control. Once Fili heard of this, he told Legolas to use whatever means necesary to keep his brother from doing such things again. Thus the relationship evolved. That's my head canon for it anyway. 
> 
> Please comment and let me know what you think! I may not get back to your comments til tomorrow though because I'm not using my personal webpages tomorrow in protest of CISPA, but if you comment within the next three hours we're good :D


	9. Not My One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took me so long guys. If you follow me on Tumblr you know my excuses, but I'll list them here anyway. I got Skyrim, I got sick, I went gaga over the draft, and my computer ate my entire document for this fanfiction :D Yesterday I spent 5 hours (counting distractions) reformatting this after getting it back from here. It was tedious so I got distracted a lot, but I did it, and then I wrote this chapter and edited it. Stayed up til after six to get this done for you guys.
> 
> Ok, moving on. This chapter has some sexual stuff. It's somewhat vague, but it's supposed to be.
> 
> Thank you to everyone left comments, kudos, bookmarks, etc. I love you all, even though I haven't gotten back to you all yet. I will today, I promise!
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to Guldfiskn, because her OTP shows up and she was the one who got me onto them in the first place :)

            Bofur wandered the halls of Erebor. For the past few days he had spent this time of day with the lady. Now that she had been called away to speak with Thorin, he couldn’t remember how he used to spend the time. That is until a voice called his name.

 

            “Bofur.” The dwarf in question turned with a sigh. It was Nori. Of course it was Nori, who else would it be? He waited for Nori to catch up with him. When he did, he tapped Bofur’s shoulder and said, “Come on.”

 

            Bofur sighed and followed the new direction that Nori took. He knew where they were going, but he indulged the spy master in leading him anyway. After many twists and turns through the corridors, they arrived at Nori’s rooms. He opened the door and ushered Bofur in. He situated Bofur in his sitting room then got him a drink. This was the one thing that Dori had managed to instill in his younger brother, that any time you have a guest over you must offer them hospitality and refreshments. Bofur didn’t mind, though he knew other dwarfs teased the spy master for it.

 

            Once his guest had a drink, Nori launched into conversation. “So, where’s your lady today Bofur?”

 

            Bofur glowered at the other dwarf. “You know perfectly well where she is or you wouldn’t have found me. And she’s not my lady.”

 

            “Perhaps not… Yet,” Nori smirked over the rim of his mug. “You need to get laid Bofur.”

 

            Bofur growled. Nori always knew how to rile him up. He shouldn’t have expected anything less. “What do you think I would do? Make a move on a bonded woman? Our queen? I’m not that kind of dwarf Nori.”

 

            “Of course you aren’t. That’s why you’ve come here, to me, for the past few years.”

 

            Bofur didn’t look at Nori. It was true. There was nothing to say.

 

            Nori didn’t seem bothered. “Do you remember our agreement Bofur?”

 

            Bofur nodded, still not looking at Nori.

 

            Nori wasn’t having that. He moved with cat like grace to climb in front of Bofur and fill his field of vision. “Then you know the drill. Can you say her name? If you can say it, I will let you go.”

 

            Bofur tried for a full minute. Half a minute of working up the courage, half a minute of trying to get his voice to say ‘Cussa.’ His throat caught every time. Finally he admitted defeat. “I can’t,” he whispered.

 

            Nori practically purred and pressed his lips to Bofur’s. The spy master was clever in everything he did, and had long ago learned Bofur’s body and how to make it react. Before long Bofur was panting heavily under him and Nori decided a change of scenery would do them good. He pulled himself off of his friend and ignoring his groan of frustration pulled him to his bedroom. Bofur grunted as the air was knocked out of his lungs when Nori pushed him hard against the solid wood of his bedroom door and attacked his lips with a kind of desperation. As much as Bofur needed this, Nori always did too. His job was so stressful and he had yet to meet his One. He took the stress relief that his agreement with Bofur provided gratefully.

 

            While on the quest to reclaim Erebor, they had discovered a certain compatibility. The memory of it still made Bofur’s face burn. Nori had caught him pleasuring himself one night after everyone else had gone to sleep. Bofur had been extremely embarrassed, but Nori’s eyes had held neither censure nor disgust. No, instead they burned with lust as they took in the sight of Bofur. It had been more arousing than anything Bofur could conjure up, and without realizing it his hand had begun to move again, slowly, as he watched Nori watching him. Nori had practically purred at the sight, sending shivers down Bofur’s spine.

 

            The theif had prowled towards him, taking his time, still enjoying the sight of his traveling companion pleasuring himself. When he reached his target, he placed a firm hand on his chest and pushed him to lie back while simultaneously kneeling before him. Next he moved Bofur’s hand, and replaced it with his mouth. Bofur couldn’t help himself, he looked up and his eyes locked with Nori’s, taking his breath away. They never looked away, not even when Bofur came hard in Nori’s mouth, and Bofur’s neck would pay for it in the morning. Nori swallowed with an air of smug appreciation, then he climbed up onto the rock Bofur was lying on, putting his weight on the other dwarf. Bofur could feel his hardness pressing against him and almost moaned. They would have continued had Bombur not given a particularly loud snore that jolted Dwalin awake. They sprang apart and Bofur covered himself. Luckily the warrior never turned towards them, he seemed to be eyeing the sleeping Ori instead. Nori’s eyes narrowed at him, and thus the moment was gone.

 

            Later on in the week, the two were sent to gather firewood by Dwalin. The warrior’s affection having been noticed by Nori was now a matter of great contention for the older Ri brothers, and Dwalin knew he couldn’t get rid of Dori. Nori grumbled but went. When they were far enough away from camp, Bofur had shoved the thief up against a tree and kissed him firmly.

 

            “You have no idea how hot that was,” Bofur groaned against Nori’s mouth between feverishly returned kisses.

 

            “I’ve seen many unwelcome sights while sneaking around in my life, some pleasant sights as well, but that topped my list of the pleasant ones. Mahal must have sent you to torture me.”

 

            Bofur smirked. “Not here to torture you mate, I’m here to repay the favor.”

 

            Nori groaned when Bofur dropped to his knees before him. Even as far from camp as they were, Nori still had to stifle his cries. He had never been a quiet lover, and Bofur wasn’t complaining. In fact Bofur had done all he could to wring more noises from the usually silent theif. It had been intoxicating for both of them. When they pulled apart at last, Bofur was the one left unsatisfied. He didn’t seem to mind much though, just gave the panting thief a smile as he practically sauntered away to gather the firewood.

 

            Now though they had gone far beyond what the alone time the quest had allowed. Now was all soft sheets, naked skin, hot breaths, loud moans. Had neither of them ever met their one, they could have been content together, content with this. But Bofur had met his One, Bofur had met the lady, Cussa, and he knew that from then on he would always wish for more. But he didn’t think of her now. Now his head was full of Nori.

 

* * *

 

            Cussa was nervous. She and the man she had bonded with three years ago were now alone together, meeting as strangers. All she knew of him was irrelevant with his sickness cleared. All he knew of her had gone with it. He beckoned to her from the bed he lay on. “Come closer.”

 

            She obeyed, coming to stand near the foot of the bed. He studied her closely.

 

            “I wish for your sake that I could tell you I remember some part of your face, but my memories have not returned, and the healers say that at this point they are not likely to,” his face held a deep sadness as he admitted it. “Perhaps one day I will remember your face, but as of right now you are a stranger to me. Bombur has told me a little of you. He has said that he and his wife enjoy your company and that you often stop by to play with his little ones, and this is all I know of you.”

 

            She stayed silent, unsure of what to say. Something must have shown on her face, for Thorin sighed and began to ask her questions.

 

            “How old are you?”

 

            “Ninety-three.”

 

            “So young, not much older than my nephews. You have so much life ahead of you, so why me?”

 

            Cussa steeled herself. She needed to be open and honest with Thorin. Just because he wasn’t completely the same didn’t mean everything had changed. He wasn’t a bad man, he just wanted to understand, so she opened up to him. “That is a question I asked over and over to myself when you chose me. I’m just the daughter of a minorly important family from the Iron Hills. My mother wouldn’t let me decline the offer. She thought it was about time I stopped hiding in the shadows, and she wanted the wealth and fame it would provide our family.” Cussa wondered if her disgust showed in her face or tone. One good thing about her marriage had been her separation from her mother. It wasn’t that she hated her or anything, but as Cussa had aged they had not seen eye to eye very often.

 

            “Hiding in the shadows?”

 

            “Surely you know what it’s like. You’re part of the royal family after all. Always in the spot light. My family wasn’t very important, but we were important enough, and I never liked the attention.”

 

            “So then, our bond was a burden to you?”

 

            “I’ll admit I did not welcome it, and after these three years I am still not comfortable with it. But I am used to it, and it wasn’t all bad.”

 

            “Oh?”

 

            “Being bonded with you was better than I expected. Granted I wasn’t completely sure what to expect. I knew about as much about you then as you did about me when I walked in today. Of course there was gossip, but I tried to ignore it, and go in to the bond without judging you based on what people said. I wasn’t the center of your attention, but you weren’t inattentive either. Sometimes you ran less important business with the kingdom by me. I grew to realize how much you cared for your kingdom and your people, and that over time endeared you to me greatly. I will admit, I came to love you. Maybe for a time I fancied that you were my One, but if I did it was short lived.”

 

            Thorin sighed in obvious relief. It was possible for a dwarf’s One to have a different One, clearly he had been worried that this might have happened.

 

            Cussa gave him a wry smile. “Yes, you needn’t worry about that, my king.”

 

            “Why don’t you call me Thorin? As our culture dictates you know me more intimately than most.”

 

            She cocked her head at him. “But I don’t do I? You are not the Thorin I knew, not the Thorin I loved. I do not know _you_.”

 

            “You know of my condition then?”

 

            “The gold sickness? Yes, it isn’t difficult to know. It runs in your line after all.”

 

            “I’m told some now call it dragon sickness since it brought a dragon upon us, and that people have worried my condition would call another one down, and history would repeat itself.” He shook his head moodily and winced as it jostled his head injury, which was still healing. “I may have been good to my kingdom and my people, but in my methods I lost some of the most important things in my life. I was a weak fool to give in to the sickness. I should have expected it, and been better prepared, but I didn’t think. The gold hadn’t bothered me before. I guess I thought that the memory of what had happened with my grandfather would be protection enough. I was wrong,” and he hung his head in shame.

 

            Cussa sighed. “You may have been weak to give in to the sickness, but you haven’t been a foolish ruler. Some of your politics haven’t been great I’ll admit, but nothing that isn’t for the most part fixable if you are tactful, and you haven’t been as bad as I heard your grandfather was. But I am not the one you need to explain this to am I? No. You need to explain this to The Company, Fíli and Kíli especially, and their mother Dis. But most of all, you need to explain this to Bilbo.”

 

            Thorin’s jaw dropped. “How… I don’t understand…”

 

            “I know about you and Bilbo, I know about what happened between you. I know who this belongs to,” she indicated the bead at the end of a prominent braid in her hair, “and who this belongs to,” this time she indicated the simple circlet on her head.

 

            Thorin still locked a little shocked. “What exactly are you saying?”

 

            “I am saying go after him. As soon as you are better go. Find him, apologize to him, explain to him, beg if you must, and bring him back where he belongs, by your side. I give you full permission to break our bond and bond with Bilbo.”

 

            “I’m afraid,” Thorin admitted quietly. “What if my people do not accept my bond?”

 

            Cussa put her hands on her hips. “Thorin Oakenshield son of Thráin, son of Thrór, King Under The Mountain, screw politics and follow your heart. You have sacrificed enough for your people, and you have done right by them. Now do right by yourself.”

 

            Thorin quailed a little under her ire. “Very well. I suppose I shouldn’t turn my nose up at what you are offering me.”

 

            “You really shouldn’t. Now, enough about me. We’re supposed to be getting to know each other properly, so it’s my turn to ask the questions. Tell me about the quest. I have heard Bofur, Bombur, and Bifur tell it, and heard various other versions circling around, but I have never heard yours. You never talked about the quest or Bilbo. Tell me of both now.”

 

            Thorin sighed. “I will tell you what of it I can remember. You may as well take a seat, it’s a long story.” And so they spent the next few hours, Cussa curled up in the arm chair by Thorin’s bedside as he told her the story from the beginning, how he got royally (no pun intended) lost in the Shire one summer night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked it, and I'll try to make sure that you don't have to wait so long for an update next time D:
> 
> I love you all lots! Please leave comments, I love to hear from you guys! <3
> 
> Edit: Just a heads up guys, I got a rather nasty virus today, I don't know where from, and I don't know if it got into this, but I thought I should give you a heads up. Do a virus check just in case.


	10. Special

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long again guys. The document I have this story in got deleted again after I posted the last chapter and I had to recover it again. And despite now having a virus anymore, my computer is just having major problems. I need to get it to a shop at some point, but until then I'm going to have to deal with blue screens and my computer taking over 30 minutes to start. I'll try to update as much as I can, but... Yeah...
> 
> Ok, computer drama aside, thank you all so much for your comments, kudos, bookmarks, etc. I still love you guys super much. I was going to wait until tomorrow to post this, but I can't sleep so I went ahead and edited it and here it is. Hope you enjoy!

            A few hours later, Bofur disentangled himself from Nori, rose, and began dressing. Nori stayed on the bed, lying on his side with his head propped up in this hand, enjoying the view.

 

            “Off to meet your lady fair?” he teased.

 

            Bofur rolled his eyes but didn’t correct the spy master. “Yes. I promised her I would meet up with her after she was done speaking with Thorin.”

 

            “To provide emotion support?”

 

            “To have dinner. Bom’s still trying to make things up to me, so I’ve got the best protects with food.”

 

            “Gasp, the toymaker gets better food than the queen? I must look into this! Joking aside, you probably will have to provide emotional support anyway. Women in her condition are known to be… hmmm… how to put this _delicately_ … a little on edge?” The glitter in the former thief’s eyes was unmistakable. He knew the lady’s secret.

 

            “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

            “Of course you do. Wondering how I know? Very little happens in this mountain without my knowledge my friend, and even without my network I would have known. Thorin may have as well, but we’ll never know now will we?”

 

            Bofur felt sick to his stomach. “And what will you do with this information Nori?”

 

            “Nothing. Nothing at all. I admit I am intrigued at the way she is handling the situation. Besides, I gave my word that I wouldn’t interfere. No, I’ll just watch things pan out. It shall be most interesting.”

 

            Bofur eyed him warily, and then nodded. He trusted Nori where most everyone else wouldn’t, but then again he had reason to trust Nori where most everyone else didn’t.

 

            Nori made a shooing motion with his hand. “Go on, I know where you want to be.” And he smiled affectionately as the toymaker rolled his eyes and ran off.

 

            As it turned out, Nori’s predictions proved false. The lady was perfectly composed when he opened his door to let her in. Bofur’s prediction however came true. Bombur had come by just before the lady and gave him a veritable feast, still hoping to make it up to Bofur with food. Bofur was still angry though, and let his brother know that, but he did take the food. He’d be a fool to turn down Bom’s cooking when he was having company over.

 

            Once he and the lady were seated and served at his table, Bofur asked her how the meeting with Thorin had gone.

 

            She sighed. “It went as well as one could expect really. He still has no clue who I am. He was trying to get a sense of how I would feel about breaking the bond without telling me that’s what he wanted to do. Eventually I lost my patience with him and cut to the chase myself.”

 

            Bofur smiled dreamily. He could just see that happening. “Tell me what you said, I need to complete my mental picture.”

 

            The lady giggled a little. Why was her giggle so cute? It was very distracting. What were they talking about again? “I told him to stop fumbling over apologies to me when the people who really needed them were Fíli, Kíli, Dís, and Bilbo.”

 

            Right, they were talking about Thorin. “And how’d he take that?”

 

            She smiled wistfully. “He didn’t know how. I had to spell it out for him. Tell him to go after Bilbo, and that I gave him permission to break our bond. He confessed he was worried about what his people would think, and I told him that he had sacrificed enough for his people already.”

 

            “You have to be the wisest person I have ever met. Thorin doesn’t know what he’s giving up.” Internally Bofur winced. The time he had spent with the lady recently had made him too bold. A small part of him told him that the only way to curb his amorous talk was to stop seeing the lady, but he knew that path had closed after he had held her though her tears.

 

            The lady blushed at his statement. “He never had me to begin with, and I never had him. He was always Bilbo’s, and me, well… I closed my heart when I realized I would be bonded to a man who didn’t love me. What use was it to keep my heart open to feelings when I knew I could never act on them? I can feel my heart trying to open again, but now it is fear for my child that keeps it closed.”

 

            Bofur tried not to focus on the hop skip his heart did at her words and instead on comforting her. He reached across the table and took her hand, ignoring the tingle that went through his body as their skin came into contact. “You are loved, lady. And your child will be loved too.”

 

            The lady’s eyes looked a little wet. “Cussa,” she whispered, a reminder of her wish.

 

            Bofur shook his head. “You are my lady.”

 

            “I do not wish to be, and I will not be for much longer. Please?” And how he wanted to give in to the desperation in her eyes.

 

            “You know not what you ask of me, lady.”

 

            She bowed her head, acknowledging her defeat and dutifully changed the subject. “I got Thorin to tell me stories about the quest for Erebor.”

 

            “Did you now? And did you learn more from him than us?”

 

            “I learned a lot more about the landscape of the Shire than I ever cared to, that’s for sure!” And they both dissolved into laughter. For the rest of the night they poked fun at Thorin and his ability to get lost anywhere.

 

* * *

 

            Thorin was exhausted by the time Dwalin came in to bring him dinner. He wasn’t sure how he expected his conversation with his wife to go, but it certainly wasn’t the events of today. He was thankful that Dwalin had thought to add a small mug of ale to his dinner. The healers had told him he needed to drink lots of water and not have alcohol, but after today he felt he deserved a little. The meal was a small loaf of bread and a hearty stew of meat, vegetables, and potatoes in a tomato base. Once upon a time, Thorin had been blissfully unaware of what his food was made of, but then he traveled with Bombur. Now he knew more about cooking than he had ever cared to.

 

            After they had been eating for a while, Dwalin asked him what he thought of Cussa. Thorin thought back to their meeting. The first thing he had noticed was that she was very pretty. She wore her auburn hair loose, showing off the ringlets at the end of her otherwise straight elbow-length hair. She kept her beard neatly trimmed at the side of her face, as was the style for dwarven women of late. Her eyes were green, and it was her eyes that had surprised him. While her face held great youth, her eyes held great wisdom.

 

            Finally he said, “She was honest, fair, but not harsh, and she doesn’t like to beat around the bush.”

 

            Dwalin laughed. “Aye, that’s true enough. So you liked her huh? Bombur, Bofur, and Bifur are quite the fans of her.”

 

            Suddenly Thorin felt very awake. “Bofur?” he asked, trying to stay casual, but hanging on Dwalin’s every word.

 

            If Dwalin noticed the change he did not comment on it. “Yes, him more than the rest I dare say. Fíli and Kíli don’t seem to like her, but they never really tried to. They felt that she usurped Bilbo’s place.”

 

            Thorin winced at the sound of his one time lover’s name. He missed the little hobbit desperately. “It is not a place she ever wanted from what she told me. They should give her a chance, though I’m not sure if she would want to put up with their antics.”

 

            “Bombur says he told them that last week. Told them they shouldn’t judge her for circumstances beyond her control.”

 

            “Who does she usually hang out with? She never gave off the impression she had many friends.”

 

            “She doesn’t really, aside from Bombur, Bofur, and Bifur. She likes to keep to herself. Lately though things have been hard for her. Bombur and Bofur aren’t speaking right now.”

 

            “What? But they’ve always been so close!”

 

            “I know, it’s shocking. Well, not so shocking if you know all the details, but not even I know the full story. I think only Bombur, Bofur, Bifur, and Nori can claim to fully understand what is going on.”

 

            “I would like to see Bofur. He never came to see me, and he’s had a falling out with his brother. Something is going on. Bombur told me that there were few dwarfs in Erebor who were angrier with me than Bofur. I want to know why, and see if I can make it right. Can you arrange it?”

 

            Dwalin remained silent for a while. “Very well. It would probably be best if you two met and talked about the issue,” he conceded at last. “But it won’t be pleasant. Bombur was right when he said what he did, and from what I know, he has good reason for it. If you’re lucky, things will get better… If you aren’t… Well… Let’s not talk about that. Tell me how the rest of your meeting went.”

 

            “Well, she lost her patience with me and told me to go after Bilbo as soon as I’m well enough. And told me I needed to apologize to just about everyone in the kingdom but her. And then she made me tell her about the quest for Erebor from my point of view, paying special attention to my getting lost in the Shire… Twice…”

 

            Dwalin laughed so hard he couldn’t speak for a minute or two. “Why would you even tell her that? You could have told her something that put you in a good light so you could make a good first impression, but no! You had to go and tell her about getting lost twice in Hobbiton! I can’t wait to tell Balin this!”

 

            Thorin glared at his best friend. “You wouldn’t dare.”

 

            Dwalin gave him an evil grin. “Wanna bet on that?”

 

            Thorin opened his mouth, then thought better of himself and closed it again. Dwalin went into gales of laughter again. When the tattooed dwarf had calmed down at last Thorin asked, “Do you think I could keep her on as an adviser? It seems a shame to just let someone like that go…”

 

            Dwalin looked intrigued again. “You would have to ask her that. I have to agree with you though, she’s got a good head on her shoulders.”

 

            Thorin nodded. Cussa was young, and soon she would be free of their bond. He couldn’t imagine that she’d stay single for long though. She was a treasure in her own right, someone to guard and love. But she wasn’t his to guard or his to love. His heart would always belong to Bilbo, even if the hobbit would not have him anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In addition to my computer troubles, I am also working on another project. Sometimes when I'm bored I'll let my followers decide what I work on for the next few hours. Make sure to follow me so you can tell me if I'm not giving this story enough love! Or drop a comment here and fuss at me, I don't mind. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the update guys, I know it was kinda... sappy... but I felt like this story needed a happy bonding scene. Don't worry though, the angst will come back! After all, Bofur and Thorin have to talk at some point, and Thorin's still got to get his ass out to the Shire at some point. If there are any errors feel free to point them out and I will correct them as I am able. I still don't have a beta yet so bear with me. And I'm gonna shut up now cause I really need to sleep.


	11. Hidden in Plain Sight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello darlings! <3 I'm so sorry this took so long! My computer basically died on me while I was in the middle of nowhere last weekend. But I have good news! It is now fixed! :D It still has a few issues, but nothing super major. Once I got things set up enough I started working on a chapter for you guys, and well, here it is! There is angst, there is fluff, and there are lots and lots of huggles from me. I love you guys so much. Thank you for the comments, kudos, bookmarks, subscribes, views, everything! Things have been really rough for me lately, my real life got really hellish last week, and it's going to take some time to recover. But hearing from people who like my story always brightens my day, even when it's been dark. Now, without further ado, here is the update!

            Had the summons to see Thorin come from anyone but Dwalin, Bofur would have ignored them. There weren’t many in Erebor who could wriggle out of an audience with the king, and even fewer who actually did. In fact, Bofur might be the only one who could and did. He did so diplomatically of course. Telling whatever unfortunate dwarf had been sent with the summons that he was busy at the appointed time and then conveniently forget to reschedule, or send someone in his place. For the past three years it had worked, but the look on Dwalin’s face told him that that streak was over.

 

            Bofur sighed. It was the morning after his rather complicated discussion with the lady, and he had hoped for a bit of time to gather his thoughts before he saw her again. Dwalin showing up at his door had ruined those hopes, but maybe he could still buy some time. “When do I have to go see him?”

 

            “Right now. If I give you a later time, you won’t show up.”

 

            Bofur grumbled but nodded. It was true. “Well, in that case, you’ll need to let the lady know. I promised her I’d have lunch with her,” he instructed the warrior as he shut his door behind him and they set off towards Thorin’s room. Though the king was mostly healed, he had opted to stay in his private room to give his queen space.

 

            Dwalin nodded. I’ll have Ori take her down to eat at Dori’s café. They’ve been wanting to get to know her.”

 

            Bofur nodded again, that made sense. Knowing the lady and Ori, they’d probably get along quite well. Who knows, she might even enjoy eating at Dori’s café. Still, there were things Bofur needed to make sure of before he was stuck with Thorin. “And Ori will tell her I’m sorry I can’t make it and why I got held up?”

 

            Dwalin rolled his eyes. “Of course he will. He’s Ori, what do you expect?”

 

            Again the warrior had a point, but Bofur wasn’t done yet. “And he’ll tell her I’ll meet her for dinner instead? That I’ll pick her up from her rooms?”

 

            Dwalin threw up his hands in exasperation. “Bofur get a grip! Yes, he’ll tell her anything you want. For Mahal’s sake you are so transparent! It’s a wonder the whole mountain doesn’t know by now!”

 

            Bofur stopped dead and Dwalin turned back to look at him. Cold shock was running through the toymaker’s body. Dwalin was right, he was so transparent. How many other people knew of his affections? How much longer could he keep it hidden from those who didn’t know? It got more and more painfully obvious as he continued to see the lady. How much longer would it be until she knew? And what would she do with the knowledge? Surely she wouldn’t return his feelings, he expected that. She would be kind of course, she was always kind, but what if she stopped spending time with him? He couldn’t bear the thought, couldn’t risk such an outcome. And yet…

 

            Dwalin sighed, interrupting Bofur’s thought process. “I’m sorry. That was low.”

 

            Bofur didn’t acknowledge the apology, still shuddering internally at the horrible situations his mind continued to conjure. “How did you know?” he asked tonelessly.

 

            “I may not have Balin’s tact, or Nori’s finesse, but I earned my position. I notice things Bofur. You should have said something before. You knew this was a possibility. Why didn’t you say anything?”

 

            Bofur swallowed hard. Nori had confronted him with similar words, but with Nori it was always about seducing Bofur back into his bed. Dwalin was serious though, and somehow that made answering even harder. “I don’t know why,” he said eventually. “I guess I didn’t believe it, or maybe I was scared. Either way I waited too long. What’s done is done, and that’s all there is to it.”

 

            Dwalin’s eyes held a depth of sadness that Bofur could not believe the seasoned warrior could express. “Nothing is hopeless. Thorin is going to go after Bilbo, and Fili and Kili will finally be together. The truth of things is being rewritten, or so Balin says. Why shouldn’t your truth be rewritten as well?”

 

            Bofur curled in on himself, not willing to accept Dwalin’s words. Not when he had to speak to the man who had taken what was most precious to him in just a few short minutes.

 

            The warrior didn’t push the matter. “Something to think about,” he said gently, then he turned and kept walking. Bofur followed unhappily, arms still wrapped around his middle for comfort. Too soon they arrived at their destination. Dwalin ushered him towards the door. “I’ll go get Ori and tell him what to tell the lady and where to take her.”

 

            Bofur nodded. He hadn’t expected any of this from Dwalin. Just when he thought he knew the dwarf, his perception of him had been turned on its head, and Bofur was grateful for what had been revealed. He had a feeling that Dwalin just wanted everything to be set to rights, and if revealing a side that likely only Ori ever saw was what it took to accomplish that, then Dwalin would do it. Bofur still didn’t have any hope to be with his One, it was a dream that had been too distant for too long and he couldn’t simply change his view overnight.  So for now, he would just do what needed to be done. Seeing Thorin was apparently one of those things now. It couldn’t wait or be put off any longer, and Mahal knew Bofur had fought hard against this inevitability up until now. And so the dwarf took a deep breath, released it, put his hand on the door handle, gave Dwalin one last desperate glance, turned the knob, pushed the door open, and walked in to the room occupied by the person he hated most in Erebor. His companion, his king, and the bonded of his One looked up at him from the bed, and the chill that Bofur had possessed in the corridor was banished as his blood began to boil.

 

* * *

 

            Ori hurried along the corridors of Erebor’s upper levels, it wouldn’t do to be late. The scribe hadn’t expected Dwalin would be back at their shared quarters so soon after leaving for the day, but apparently Thorin’s summons had interfered with some important plans Bofur had made. Dwalin, after greeting his bonded with a rather enthusiastic kiss, had asked Ori to smooth things over with Lady Cussa and take her to lunch at his eldest brother’s café. Ori had been all too happy to agree as he had never really had the time to get to know his young queen and he knew his brother had been waiting for an opportunity to do the same. He had talked with Dwalin for a little longer before the warrior had to go back to his duties. Just before he left though, Dwalin did something very out of character. He kissed Ori very tenderly, and when he pulled back, he whispered words that the scribe would never forget.

 

            “I have always thought I was the luckiest dwarf alive since you agreed to bond with me, but I never realized just how lucky we really were.” Then he was walking out the door again, leaving Ori reeling. He knew what his bonded meant of course. Anyone in the company that hadn’t known of Bofur’s pain did now. Ori’s heart went out to the dwarf who had always been so cheerful on the journey. Lately that cheeriness had seemed a little forced, but no one was that surprised. A dwarf separated from his one could easily become bitter and depressed. Hopefully everything would work out before Bofur got to that point.

 

            There were perks to being bonded with the head of the guard. At first, Ori had been uncomfortable with the special treatment, wishing he could be treated like other dwarfs, but eventually he had gotten used to it. Now he didn’t fuss that the guards outside the queen’s rooms didn’t interrogate him on his arrival. Instead he waited patiently while one of them turned and rapped sharply on the door. A moment later Ori heard the lady call out, “Just a second, I’ll be right there!” and sure enough she was pulling open the door with a smile on her face a moment later.

 

            Her expression fell a little as her eyes landed on Ori. The scribe smiled apologetically and gave his queen a little bow. “Expecting someone else?”

 

            She flushed. “No no no, it’s quite alright. Um, what do you need Ori?”

 

            “Dwalin sent me with a message from Bofur. You see, Dwalin had to collect Bofur to see Thorin. Don’t worry, he’s not in trouble, Thorin just wants to talk to him. Dwalin wouldn’t let Bofur get out of it like he’s been doing since Thorin was crowned king, so Bofur isn’t going to be able to make your lunch plans. He says he’s very sorry, and that he’ll meet you here for dinner tonight. In the meantime would you care to accompany me to lunch? I was going to go down to Dori’s café.”

 

            “Oh,” the queen said, clearly still processing everything he had said. “That would be fine. I’ve never been to Dori’s café.”

 

            “It’s not very popular I’m afraid. It would be in The Shire, according to Bilbo, but here among dwarfs teas and pastries have less appeal. Still, it’s very good. Besides, Dori wants to get to know you. Bofur, Bombur, and Bifur talk about you a lot.”

 

            The two set off towards the ground levels of Erebor chatting companionably. As they walked Ori absorbed what information he could about his young queen. She was clearly friendly and open to new experiences, otherwise she would have found some excuse not to accompany him down to Dori’s place. She did not seem to want to talk about herself at all, any time the conversation came anywhere near her personal life she redirected it back to him. Bombur had mentioned she had some issues with her family, which probably explained that behavior, as well as natural shyness. Ori knew about shyness, though he had finally started to outgrow his. Finally, the young scribe noticed the way she had hung on his every word when he gave her Bofur’s messages. Clearly she cared about Bofur to some degree. Perhaps there was hope for Bofur, whether the toymaker believed it or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I'm bad for the cliffhangers especially after making you guys wait so long. Don't forget to follow me on Tumblr so you can harass me about updating! <3 I love you all, I really do. Please drop a comment and let me know what you thought, even if you just ramble at me for the cliff hanger, or whatever. Just no flames, that's all I ask :)


	12. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry this took so long guys. Shit went down, my muse ran away, the usual. So, here's a longer than usual chapter for you guys. I love you all super much. Thank you for all the comments, kudos, bookmarks, etc. There is fluff and angst in this chapter, and the second scene isn't as good as I wish it was, but... Here you go!
> 
> Edit: I just realized I forgot to put the accent marks on everyone's names. I'm so sorry guys! I'll get that straightened out tomorrow! And if I don't, remind me. Harass me on Tumblr or in the comments or wherever.

 

            “Ori! You didn’t tell me you were bringing a guest, and such a high ranking one too! Welcome your majesty!” and Dori bent down into a low bow. The few patrons to the café gasped in surprise and hastened to at the very least bob their heads in the direction of their queen. Some tripped over their chairs in their haste to bow or curtsey to the royalty in their midst.

 

            The queen was obviously uncomfortable with the attention. “Please, don’t do that, and please call me Cussa. Ori came to me with news that my own lunch plans had been canceled, and he graciously offered to allow me to accompany him here. I hope it’s not a bother.”

 

            “Nonsense, nonsense. This place could use a little publicity honestly. Ori, you know where to go. I’ll be along shortly with the menus. You can explain everything to her can’t you?”

 

            “Of course,” Ori chuckled. The whole situation amused him really. It was a good thing that today was slow, even for the café’s standards, because the usual crowd would have been worse than Dori. He led the lady though the tables, wondering why Dori needed so many when his café had so little business, and eventually brought her to a small private room. A few moments later Dori bustled in carrying two menus. Menus weren’t a dwarf thing; in fact it was Bilbo who had first told Dori about menus. He had thought they were a fabulous idea, and adopted them as soon as he opened his café.

 

            Ori spent the next half hour or so explaining various items on the menu to his queen as they sipped at a lovely peppermint tea. Eventually the lady decided on a slice of tomato pie accompanied with a cup of beef stew. Ori ordered a hot ham and cheese sandwich. He also asked his brother to bring in an iced tea with the meal. While they waited for their food to be prepared, the two continued their chat over the remaining hot tea. One of Cussa’s questions caught Ori really off guard.

 

            “Tell me about you and Dwalin.”

 

            “What would you like to know?”

 

            “How did you two get together? How did you know?”

 

            Ori gave her an odd look, but he told her none the less. “It started on the quest for Erebor. When Thorin came looking for dwarfs to join his quest, Dori volunteered right away. With some convincing, Nori did too, on the condition of full pardons for his crimes as a thief. My family was poor you see. Dori did his best to make ends meet and raise me, and Nori helped in a less savory way, but we needed all the help we could get. Dori tried to keep Nori’s actions hidden from me, but I knew. His reasons for why we suddenly had a filling meal or a new piece of clothing were never good enough. I refused to be left behind while my brothers went on the quest though. Partially because I was afraid. Most dwarfs didn’t like me, they thought I was odd. I didn’t like mining or fighting, I liked reading and drawing. Most of my clothes were knitted by Dori, and I myself enjoyed knitting in my free time. If my brothers left me at home, there would be no one to protect me from their cruel words. But there was another reason I wanted to go. I wanted to show everyone that just because I was different didn’t mean I couldn’t do something great.”

 

            The lady nodded at his words, she seemed to know exactly what he was talking about, so he went on.

 

            “It took some time to convince my older brothers to let me go. Finally we were off. I had heard of Mister Dwalin before, even seen him walking around once or twice. More often than not I saw him when I was passing the training grounds on my way home, and he was almost always training Fili and Kili. But the first time I got a really good look at Mister Dwalin was in Bilbo’s hobbit hole. He was very intimidating, and he didn’t seem to be good with words, but something about him drew me to him none the less. I didn’t understand. For a while I thought that I just admired him, hero worship, that I wanted to be more like him, for he had proven himself time and time again. When we fled the goblins, I was handed Mister Dwalin’s axes to fight with. They felt comforting in my hands, and I had no trouble fighting with them despite a lack of experience. It was a wondrous thing, but I had no time to contemplate it. After that I started noticing things about Mister Dwalin. Things like how much I would like to draw his profile, and how nice his chuckle sounded, and how aware of his presence I was.”

 

            The lady was listening very intently now, it seemed like she was trying to figure something out. What Ori knew not, so he continued his tale.

 

            “When we were in Mirkwood, I stayed close to him, and doing so gave me comfort. One night, Thorin put us on consecutive watches. I think he was a little irritated with how jumpy I had been all day, so I had first watch. I was supposed to stay up for the first half of the night, then wake Dwalin to finish the watch, but I didn’t need to. Once everyone fell asleep, he was at my side, draping a blanket over my shoulders. We sat in silence for a long while. Despite the warmth the blanket provided, I was chilled to the bone. I didn’t notice moving closer to Dwalin, but he didn’t seem to mind our proximity. Eventually, I asked him how he banished his fear. He chuckled.

 

            “I don’t banish my fear lad, I use it.”

 

            “So you’re afraid too?”

 

            “Of course I am. It would be stupid not to be. I don’t know what’s beyond the edge of the path, or what creatures the eyes that watch us belong to. I don’t know how many of us will make it out alive.”

 

            “How do you use your fear?”

 

            “I use it to increase the odds that we’ll all make it out alive. I stay vigilant. When the fighting comes I will fight all the harder because I have something to fight for, something to lose. I will fight to protect that.”

 

            Ori cocked his head as he looked up at the warrior. “I think you are very wise Mister Dwalin.”

 

            Dwalin looked away a fraction. “No, Balin is wise. I’m just a warrior. I only know how to fight.”

 

            “Balin is wise, yes. But so are you. You have a different kind of wisdom, a wisdom of yourself. You know your strengths and your weaknesses and you use them to your advantage. You make wise choices.”

 

            “I’m not sure all my choices are wise, you scholarly types are better at those sorts of things. Go ahead and get some rest lad, you need it more than I do.”

 

            “I’m not so sure us scholarly types are always wise either,” Ori whispered, and before he lost his nerve, he leaned up and kissed Mister Dwalin on the cheek. Then he squeeked out a quick “Goodnight!” and scampered to his bedroll. From the safety of his covers he watched Dwalin put his fingers to his cheek, and caress the spot Ori had kissed. The young dwarf fell asleep with a smile on his face for the first time in many nights.

 

            The imprisonment in Mirkwood was particularly hard on Ori. Dwarfs were not known for their love of green food, but Ori had a particularly bad time of it. Still, he remembered what Dwalin had said, about using his fear. He needed to keep up his strength if he was going to do that. So he asked Bilbo which of the green foods was best for a person, and the hobbit had picked up one kind of leaf and held it in front of him. He said it was called spinach. Ori didn’t like the spinach, but he ate it anyway, as well as all the meat the elves brought him, though it was little and rather flavorless.

 

            Ori kept his eyes and ears open at all times, and reported everything he could remember to Bilbo, listening intently to what the Hobbit had found out as well. One day the hobbit brought him a small amount of meat from another of the imprisoned dwarfs. He wouldn’t say who it was that had given it up, but he mentioned that the one who had given it up had called him a wise dwarf, and Ori had a clue. He fell asleep with a smile on his face and a full belly that night.

 

            They finally escaped to Lake Town, and had proper rooms to stay in, but Ori couldn’t sleep. He went out to the common area to escape his brothers’ snores for a while, and ran right into the dwarf who plagued his mind.

 

            Dwalin caught his arms to steady him and checked him over. “Are you all right? No injuries from the barrel ride? Those pointy eared, tree-shagging bastards didn’t do anything to you did they? You had enough to eat?”

 

            Ori shushed him. “I’m fine Mister Dwalin, thank you by the way. That was you wasn’t it?”

 

            “Oh thank Mahal. Yes it was me,” and Dwalin pulled him into his arms and held him tight.

 

            Ori relaxed against Dwalin’s chest and returned the embrace. In that moment he felt content fill his body. Then he felt Dwalin press a gentle kiss to the top of his head, and looked up. Dwalin looked back unashamedly, and Ori licked his lips, wondering if he dared. He did. He stretched up and placed a quick kiss on the warrior’s lips, stunning the dwarf for a moment until he groaned and followed Ori back down to return the kiss. They stayed like that for a while, holding each other close, sharing innocent kisses that spoke things neither was able to vocalize.

 

            “And in that moment, everything felt right. We didn’t worry about our brothers or our king or Smaug or that anyone could wake up and walk in on us. We continued on the quest, survived Smaug, watched Thorin slip into madness, and fought side by side at the Battle of Five Armies. I remember at one point in the fighting, Dwalin told me that if we lived to see another day he was going to bond with me. And well, here we are. I’ve never looked back, never needed too. Being with Dwalin makes me feel complete.”

 

            The lady sighed. “That’s so wonderful that you were able to find each other. I hope I am so lucky one day.”

 

            “Oh, I’m sure you’ll have no trouble with that your majesty,” and he gave her a wink as Dori bustled in through the door with their meal.

 

            Cussa practically moaned as the smells of hot food reached her nose. “Oh that smells delicious! I can’t wait to try some!”

 

            “Wait no longer your highness,” Dori proudly declared as he placed her meal before her.

 

            Ori and his brother watched as she took her first bite of the pie, and moaned again. “Oh by Mahal this is delicious! How come you aren’t more popular?”

 

            Dori smiled. “Dwarfs are resistant to change my lady, but I’ve got more than enough gold to keep this place running as long as I live, despite the lack of business. Don’t forget to try your soup.”

 

            She had a spoonful, and promptly declared it delicious. “You can be sure I’ll drop by more often!” she informed the eldest Ri brother sincerely.  “I might even be able to convince Bofur to come with me!”

 

            Ori and Dori exchanged sly looks.

 

            The lady blushed. “Oh no, I didn’t mean, it’s not like that!” But Ori and his brother refused to let up on the looks. “Oh bother.”

 

            Ori beamed. “Better eat your food before it gets cold my lady.” He couldn’t wait to tell Dwalin about this.

 

* * *

 

            As the door closed behind Bofur, he turned away from his king in disgust. All the feelings he had suppressed over the last three years reared their ugly heads, and Bofur couldn’t stay still. He wanted to fight, wanted to shout, wanted to ruin Thorin, but Thorin was his king, and had once been his companion. No, he couldn’t do what he wanted to do, but he needed to move, so he paced. He could see Thorin out of the corner of his eye, following his movements across the open space.

 

            “You wanted to see me your highness?” He asked stiffly when it became clear Thorin was waiting for him to make the first move.

 

            “Yes. How have you been? How has the reclaim of Erebor suited you?”

 

            “Well enough. My family and I now have money, and I no longer have to mine for a living. I lead the trade in Dale, and loosely oversee it. My wares are sold there as well.”

 

            “I’m glad. How have you been though?”

 

            Bofur shrugged and refused to answer. His anger was building by the second.

 

            “I hear we are now estranged. No one will tell me why. I was advised against seeing you. I was told that of all the dwarfs in Erebor, you probably hated me the most. What have I done that could possibly make you hate me more than my nephews hate me?”

 

            Bofur took a deep breath, trying to keep his temper in check. He kept his back to Thorin. “Your nephews cannot hate you. You are their uncle, practically their father. At the end of the day they still love you. However, you are not kin to me. You are my king, and I am allowed to hate my king. Whoever told you of my hate was right. What you did to me rivals what you did to the lads.”

 

            “Bofur, what did I do? I cannot make it right if you do not tell me what it is. And I want to make it right.”

 

            Bofur’s control snapped. He whirled on his king. Thorin, sitting in an arm chair instead of a throne, Thorin with bandages wrapped around his head, Thorin looking more like his companion and not the pompous bastard that was his king. But it didn’t matter, they were the same person. Seeing Thorin like this now only felt like betrayal. “Make it right? Ye can’t make it right. Ye can’t turn back time. Ye can’t undo what ye have done. Ye sent my friends to die in unstable mines, ye ignored my council, but worse… How could you? How could ye? Ye never knew what ye had, never knew what it did to me when ye didn’t respect it. Ye asked how I am. I am angry Thorin. I am sad. And I am hopeless. Ye took away my hopes of happiness. Do you know the agony I have lived through? Burying friend after friend, having no one to share the burden with. Bombur has his family, Bifur keeps to himself. I was alone. I tried to pretend otherwise. I’d go over to Bombur’s to play with his little ones, wishing I could have little ones of my own to play with. Wishing I just had someone to be by my side. Do you know that agony Thorin?”

 

            “It sounds like you need to find a wife Bofur…” Thorin said hesitantly.

 

            “Oh but I found one Thorin, three years ago I found one. A beautiful young girl from the Iron Hills. She caught my eye right away, and I knew she was the one, _my_ one. Do you know of whom I speak Thorin? Can you guess?”

 

            “Cussa.” Thorin breathed.

 

            “Aye. Ye took her away from me. She wasn’t mine yet, I hadn’t made a move; I was trying to get up the courage. And because of that, I could have lived with you taking her out of my reach a bit better, had you treated her well. But you didn’t. To you, she was a means to an end. Heirs. What a waste. You knew not what you had. The worst part was watching her fall for you, and yet you still did not treat her the way she deserved. Fili and Kili never even talk to her you know. They resent her, don’t see her as family. She deserves so much better than this, and there isn’t a thing I can do about it. And not a thing you can do to set it right.”

 

            Thorin sighed. He looked older now, much older. “You have my apology Bofur, for whatever it is worth to you at this point. I have heard very little good about the last few years. This just adds to the list. I wish everyone had amnesia of the past three years, but that isn’t possible. And you’re right, I can’t fix everything. I can’t bring your friends back. I can’t take away the fact that I bonded with Cussa. But we are ending the bond.”

 

            “I am aware, she told me.”

 

            “I assumed she might have, I was told the two of you saw a lot of each other.”

 

            “I couldn’t stay away completely.”

 

            “I’m not upset about it Bofur, I’m actually glad. She seems like a wonderful person, and I’m glad someone cares for her. I’m doing all I can to set things right Bofur. My mining policies will change, and this bond will end. That leaves me free to find Bilbo, but it also does something for you I now see.  I cannot make everything up Bofur, but I can do that much for you.”

 

            “That action is not for me, you were doing it for yourself.”

 

            “True. But it kills two birds with one stone. Actually it kills three.”

 

            “Three?”

 

            “She told me she was never comfortable as a ruler. She wants a simpler life, free of the spotlight. You could give her that.”

 

            Bofur growled. Something about the way Thorin was speaking about the lady was rubbing him the wrong way. “It is not enough, I could never be what she wants. I cannot do this.”

 

            “It is the most I can offer you Bofur.”

 

            Bofur thought of the child growing inside the lady and said once more, “It’s not enough.”

 

            “I know,” Thorin said with a very sad expression, then he allowed Bofur to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


	13. Reconciliation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guess what guys, I'M BACK!!! I never abandoned this story, I just went through some really hard stuff in real life, and had monstrous writers block. But I'm back now, and hopefully will be able to update somewhat regularly now. Also, I might have a beta soon! :D Thank you so much for all the comments, kudos, bookmarks, hits (holy crap guys, 6,516 hits, are you kidding me???!!!), subscriptions, and all that jazz. A new character is introduced in this chapter, I hope y'all like that, and the whole chapter for that matter. I made it long! It was scary but I did it! Love you all and I'll see you in the end notes!

            After nearly two weeks of travel in a cart with a wizard, Dís was almost home. She was both excited and nervous as she prepared to leave the inn she and Gandalf had stayed in the previous night. Dale had been magnificently rebuilt, and she had enjoyed walking the markets for a short while before retiring for the night. Gandalf gave her a kind smile as she looked around once more, and indicated the cart with a jerk of his head, telling her that she had stalled long enough and that it was time to go. With a firm nod, she climbed up into the cart.

 

            Within half an hour, Dís could see the gates of Erebor. She recognized glimpses of the landscape as she had seen it so long ago, as a child fleeing the kingdom. As they drew nearer to the gates, Dís, the daughter, sister, and one day mother of kings, felt like a little girl again, so small compared to the statues guarding the entrance to her birthplace, her ancestral home. She felt humbled as she had not felt in years, and was nearly in tears as the cart rolled through the gates. She was home, and everything looked just like she remembered it from the trips she used to make to the lower levels of Erebor, grasping her Mama’s hand so as not to get lost in the crowds. Now as she glanced around, she searched for a familiar face. Her Mama was not here to guide her now.

 

            It was a few minutes before she found it. There, a flash of golden hair, and she called out as loud as she could, “Fíli!” And there he was, and there was Kíli too, and then her boys were running to meet her, and she was climbing out of the cart to greet them properly.

 

            “Mother!” they cried in unison as they threw themselves into her arms. None of them cared about propriety as they wept in joy at the reunion. It had been too long. _Never again_ Dís thought to herself, holding them close.

 

            Kíli babbled questions at her like he was a little dwarfling again. “When did you get here? How was the journey? Is that Gandalf? Hi Gandalf! Wait, why is Gandalf here? Oh mother I’m so glad to see you!”

 

            Fíli in contrast just held her a little tighter than usual as a few silent tears slipped into his beard. She gave her quiet son a tight squeeze before releasing both of them to get a good look at how they had changed since she had seen them last. Fíli’s eyes were hollow, though his face was graced with a warm smile, and internally Dis grieved for him. Kíli had hardened. Even excited as he was, he wasn’t the same bubbling and mischievous dwarf he had been. They both stood ramrod straight, shoulders back, eyes forward, just like the soldiers they had been forced to become.

 

            Dís sniffed a bit, “Oh how you’ve grown. It’s so good to see both of you.”

 

            “It’s good to see you too mother,” Fíli said softly, and for just a moment, his eyes held the same warmth as his smile.

 

            “Boys, do you know where your uncle is? I would like to talk to him.”

 

            “He’s on the same level as the royal chambers, still in his private healing chamber. We’ve got an appointment to keep, if we had known you would get here so fast we would have changed our plans…”

 

            “It’s fine Kíli, we can meet up after we’ve attended to our business and catch up properly,” Dís said, giving her sons a fond smile.

 

            They relaxed under her gaze. “Do you remember the way up? I know it’s been a while, should we get a guard to lead the way?” Kíli asked.

 

            “A guard would be lovely.” It really had been a long time.

 

            Kíli nodded and called one over. “Our mother, Lady Dís, would like to visit her brother, King Thorin. Please lead the way for her.”

 

            The guard nodded, turned and bowed to Dís, and told her, “Lady Dís, this way if you please.”

 

            She nodded and began to follow him, calling over her shoulder to her sons, “I’ll see you this evening.”

 

            “Bye mother!” They called back to her before going off on their own way. Gandalf smiled at her and led his cart off somewhere.

 

            The guard led her up ramps and stairs and through winding tunnels and corridors until her sense of direction completely left her. She had been young when Erebor fell, only a child, and had never seen much of the mountain. She held vague memories of the brilliance of Erebor, but they seemed childish sketches compared to the majesty that surrounded her as she moved through the place she had once called home, the place she longed to call home again. At one point she saw a familiar face, Bofur. She may not have known him well, but she knew he was part of the company, and that he had fought honorably in the Battle of Five Armies. He was walking with a pretty young woman, and if the look in his eyes was any indication, she was most definitely his One. She called a quick greeting to him as they passed each other. It was a little awkward, but Dís didn’t care; she was already moving on.

 

Suddenly, she began to recognize things. There was the statue she had tried to climb once; she could still remember her papa’s laughter when he had come to her rescue when he heard her crying about slipping and hitting her head. There was the tapestry she would hide behind when her mama was angry. She reached out a hand to brush the door to her old room as they passed. So many memories surrounded her. Just ahead were the royal chambers, guarded as always. She could see herself walking these halls in her memory, on her way to visit her papa or her granddaddy after they had been injured or were sick; she knew exactly where she was now. A curve here, a turn there, and there it was, another guarded door, and behind it was her pig headed brother.

 

            As they drew closer and closer to the door, Dís didn’t know what to feel. She was angry at her brother for what he had done, but was pleased with him for trying to make things right. She was disappointed that he had allowed his mind to be clouded with gold sickness, but proud that he admitted it. She wanted to hit him and scream for what he had done to her boys, but she wanted to hug him and ask him if he was okay. Brothers were more trouble than they were worth, she decided at last, especially when they were in charge of a kingdom.

 

            At last, Dís and her guide were before the guards at the door. They bristled at the sight of her. _Must be from the Iron Hills,_ she thought, _figures_. “State your name and business.”  
  
            “Lady Dís, daughter of Thrain, sister of King Thorin Oakenshield, mother of princes Fíli and Kíli. I wish to speak with my brother.”

 

            The guards looked astonished. They turned to her guard for confirmation, and he nodded. “The princes asked me to guide her up here.”

 

            The guards bowed low to her, then one turned and knocked on the door. “Lady Dís to see King Thorin.”

 

            There was a pause, and then from the other side of the door came an undignified squeak, “Enter?”

 

            The guards tried to keep straight faces, but Dís didn’t even try. Her brother was right to fear her. She made a rather dramatic entrance into his room, it was worth it to see his face. He looked as terrified as he sounded. Good.

 

            “Dís! When did you, ah… When did you get in? I wasn’t expecting you for another week.”

 

            “Yes, it’s _so_ good to see you too Thorin. I got in just now, some wizard called Gandalf showed up and escorted me. The journey was remarkably quick. Now what is going on? You reclaimed the mountain, you almost got yourself and my sons killed because of your greed, refused to let them be happy, don’t speak to me for three years, then out of the blue send me a letter saying you want to fix things? Do you expect me to just forgive you like that? No. You don’t get to be an ass for three years and then randomly get in touch with me. Start talking. What changed?”

 

            Thorin cringed. Dís knew she was being hard on him, but dammit she was angry with him, and she was going to get answers. His letter had made no sense, and Fíli’s had only said to trust him and come. Well here she was, and she might trust the answers she got, when she got them. Finally Thorin spoke. “Amnesia.” He said it softly and sorrowfully.

 

            “What?” That couldn’t be it. Amnesia?

 

            “Amnesia. I got hit really hard on the head, and knocked back to my senses. I remember nothing of the last three years. When I woke up I thought I had been injured fighting elves and men, only to realize they had been on our side, and I had almost died in a battle I didn’t, and still don’t, remember three years previously. When I woke up everyone hated me. I didn’t know why. Now I know. But my memories aren’t coming back Dís. I don’t remember what I did to Fíli and Kíli, and I don’t want to. Just knowing it happened is bad enough.”

 

            Alright, amnesia it was. “How?”

 

            Thorin sighed. “They told me that a few weeks back, a group of orcs were out attacking travelers, and I headed a party to wipe them out. Sometime during the battle, one came up behind me and hit me on the head with a club.”

 

            Dís pursed her lips. “Is that orc still alive by any chance? I’d like to give it a medal.”

 

            “I hope not. If it is, you’re more than welcome to though. If the Arkenstone wasn’t so dangerous, I’d tell you to give it that instead. That gem is foul.”

 

            He was actually speaking the truth, she realized with a shock. All those years in exile he had sought ways to reclaim his home and the symbol of his throne, but now he renounced the gem. It made her proud.  “I’m glad you think so, because you are never going to see it again if I have any say in the matter, and believe me I will. It’s about time I took up my role as princess again don’t you think? Now that you won’t be insufferable to live with that is. I love you brother, but my children will always come first, they have too. Speaking of my children, when is the ceremony?”

 

            “It was meant to be set three days or so after you arrived, but you arrived much earlier than we expected. I suppose it would be best if you and Balin worked it out. I’ve never been very good at this sort of thing.”

 

            Dís snorted gracelessly. “You’re certainly right about that. It’s a wonder you’ve made it this long without me. I should go see Balin; I’ll get a guard to show me the way.”

 

            Thorin nodded and she turned towards the door. Just before she reached it, however, Thorin called out to her. “Dis?” She turned to face him. “Thank you.”

 

            She snorted again. “Well, you are my brother, even if you are a royal pain in the ass. You have to make things right though. Balin and I can help you, but we can’t fix all your mistakes.”

 

            Thorin nodded again, and she knew he understood. They had a long way to go in repairing their relationship, that would take effort and understanding on both of their parts, but they were siblings, and that would certainly help, after all, it meant that they had had a lot of practice. She smiled to herself as she got one of the guards to guide her to Balin’s study.

 

            Dís and Balin had always worked well together, and over lunch in his study, they were able to come up with a public announcement about the princes’ bond-breaking ceremony. It would be held in one week so as to allow time for a party from Mirkwood to attend if they so wished. Business over with, the two dwarfs spent the rest of the afternoon catching up. They traded stories of the politics in Erebor and the Blue Mountains. Balin told her all the things she had longed to hear of Erebor and how it had been restored to its former power and glory. He told her of the trade networks, of the spy networks, of all the beautiful rooms they had uncovered, of how they had managed to house and feed all the dwarfs who had flooded Erebor once it had been reclaimed. To any passersby, it may have seemed idle chit chat, but these were things Dís needed to know if she was to step into the role of princess and adviser once more.

 

            Finally, it was time for Dís to meet her boys. She excused herself from Balin’s company, promising to come see him before she went to bed in case he needed her for anything, and asked yet another guard to guide her to her sons. They were waiting for her in the hallway.

 

            “Mother!” They greeted her in happy unison. Dís dismissed her latest guide and embraced her sons again.

 

            “Mother!” Kíli laughed at her as she ruffled his hair affectionately. He batted her hand away and tugged her towards his rooms. “Come on Mother, you promised we’d catch up.”

 

            Fíli smiled distantly at them as Dis allowed Kíli to lead her into the sitting area in his rooms. He had arranged for a light dinner to be brought up shortly before they arrived, and it was waiting for them. Once he had served everyone they launched into conversation. Dis told her sons about how life had continued in the Blue Mountains, Fíli and Kíli told her about how life had resumed in Erebor. They asked about her meeting with Thorin and she told them it had gone well, but that it would take time for her to completely forgive him.

 

            Then something occurred to her. “Who was that lovely young woman I saw Bofur walking with? I didn’t know Bofur had found his one.”

 

            Ever slow on the uptake, Kíli mussed as Fíli just sat there with his jaw on the floor, “Well, the only woman Bofur ever walks with is Cussa… Wait… Cussa is Bofur’s one?!”

 

            Now it was Dís’s turn to be shocked. “That was Thorin’s bonded?!”

 

            Kíli clutched at his head. “This is giving me a headache. It explains a lot though. Bofur hasn’t talked to Uncle in years, and that would definitely explain why. It would also explain why Bofur and Bombur stopped talking to each other right after Bombur asked Bofur to leave that meeting to take her food… Mahal it all makes sense now.”

 

            The sound of the main door opening silenced them all, until Legolas walked in to the sitting area. “Am I interrupting something?” he asked, concern written all over his face.

 

            “It’s quite alright Legolas,” Dís reassured him, extending her hand to shake the elf’s. “It’s been a while. I trust you’ve been well?”

 

            “Yes, quite. And you Lady Dís?”

 

            “Very well, thank you.”

 

            “Well, since you’ve arrived, I assume the ceremony will be soon. Has the date been set?”

 

            She nodded. “Yes it has. It will take place in five days. I hope that’s enough time to send word to your family for them to attend?”

 

            “I think it will be if I send out a letter tonight. If you’ll excuse me?”

 

            The three Durin’s bowed their heads in dismissal. They made idle small talk about the ceremony until Legolas returned holding his freshly written letter. He was about to head for the doors when Dís called out to stop him.

 

            “Oh Legolas, I’ll take that. I have to go see Balin anyway before I retire for the night.”

 

            “But Lady Dís, are you sure?” Again Legolas looked concerned.

 

            She smiled encouragingly. “I insist,” and she held out her hand as she stood to leave.

 

            Legolas handed her the letter. “Thank you very much Lady Dís.”

            “It’s no problem,” she smiled as she made her way to the door. “I’ll see you all tomorrow. And Fíli, I expect to see Alivyan then! It’s been too long.” Fíli smiled gently at his mother, and nodded.

 

            Outside, Dís requested yet another guard to lead her back to Balin’s study, but ended up dismissing him before she reached it, having remembered the rest of the way. As she approached the door she heard voices, but was unconcerned. However, as she opened the door, the words she heard sent cold shock running through her veins.

 

* * *

 

            Cussa was desperately lonely. She wasn’t sure why, it wasn’t like she had a lack of things to do or people to see, but over the past week loneliness consumed her nevertheless. Bofur was the only person she hadn’t seen lately. When they met for dinner after his meeting with Thorin, Bofur had told her that he had neglected the trade in Dale too much of late, and had since been too busy to meet up with her again. She blamed her loneliness on her pregnancy mood swings, and did her best to keep busy, but one night she couldn’t take it anymore. Her breasts ached, her hormones were out of whack, and she missed Bofur. Feeling very selfish, she asked one of her guards to summon him.

 

            He came at once and led her to her sitting room. “Are you all right? Has anything happened?” he looked more closely at her and asked, softer this time, “What’s wrong?”

 

            She blinked to clear her eyes of the tears that had formed at his concern. “I guess I just missed you.”

 

            For a moment, Bofur’s eyes were unguarded, but what emotion he was showing her, she couldn’t say. It was almost like he was trying to tell her something, like if she looked into his irises deeply enough, she would understand that something. But when he blinked, it was gone, and she realized that she had been staring. She blushed and looked away.

 

            “I’m sorry I haven’t been around, I’ve been busy with the trade in Dale.” Bofur said quietly.

 

            “Of course… I shouldn’t have… I’m being selfish…” She was babbling, she felt like an idiot. She had been so very selfish to summon him. Bofur’s voice cut through her chaotic thoughts.

 

            “However, I find myself free this evening, and… tomorrow?”

 

            She looked up at him, and again his eyes were unguarded. There was a glint of something in them. Hope? Desperation? She wasn’t able to figure it out before he hid it once again. “Oh… Then, you can stay for a while?”

 

            He smiled. “I daresay I could.”

 

            She smiled back, feeling foolish yet again. They made small talk for a while, enjoying each other’s company. When Cussa started to yawn, Bofur made to leave, but she held him back.

 

            “Bofur? Would you tell me a story?” She felt very childlike asking the question, but she wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet, and conversation was getting a bit beyond her.

 

            He raised his eyebrows, but settled back into his seat. He told her a story from his childhood, about how Bombur had made mud pies and thought that if he added sugar to them, they would be edible. Bofur had been able to testify first hand that the sugar did little to improve their flavor. The story was light hearted and funny, just like Bofur, and by the end of it she was barely awake.

 

            Bofur had to help her to bed. As he pulled the covers up around her, he whispered, “Goodnight lady, sweet dreams.”

 

            The last thing she remembered as she drifted off was telling him to call her Cussa, and his answering chuckle. That night her dreams were certainly pleasant, but not sweet, or at least their scent wasn’t. They smelled of an evergreen forest.

 

            Her awakening was far less pleasant than her dreams, however. She woke up in chills, moaning as nausea swept through her. After emptying the contents of her stomach and splashing her face and neck with cold water, she felt marginally better, and sat holding a wet cloth to her face until the nausea subsided to a manageable level. She allowed herself to doze for a while before bathing and beginning her new daily routine, fighting with her wardrobe. It was getting harder and harder to find clothes she owned that would fit her expanding bust. Bombur’s wife, Brira, being one of the few Cussa had confided in, had given her a few tips that would tide her over until she was ready to see her tailor about the problem.

 

            As she reached for a corset style dress, she felt a pang about how many people knew of her pregnancy and how none of them were the father of the child. She couldn’t wait for this bond to be over so she could tell him without him doing something stupid. In ordinary circumstances, she would have told him at once, but now everything was so complicated. Cussa’s eyes began to sting with tears. Why was this all so difficult? She was finally going to have a child of her own, something she had wanted so badly for so long, she should be happy, but instead her joy was mixed with misery and confusion.

 

            There was a knock at the door just as she was putting on her shoes. She hurriedly wiped her eyes and called out, “I’ll be there in just a second!”

 

            Bofur was waiting for her just outside the door. He held up two trays and said “Good morning lady.”

 

            She smiled happily, she hadn’t been expecting him this early. “Good morning Bofur, and my name is Cussa, won’t you please use it?”

 

            He simply shook his head at her to indicate that they would not be having that fight today. She bowed her head in acknowledgement and showed him inside.

 

            After they had been seated and Bofur had finished laying out the trays for them, he said, very simply, “You’ve been crying again.”

                                                                                                                                       

            She looked away and nodded. “Pregnancy doesn’t seem to agree with my wardrobe. I don’t have much left that fits and this is only the start.” He gave her a look that said that wasn’t the reason she was upset and she knew it. She sighed, but relented. “And I’m also upset that I can’t tell Thorin. This child is his as well, whether anyone likes it or not. If I tell him before the bond is broken, he will insist on staying with me to raise this child, and neither one of us wants that. I want a family of my own so badly, but I didn’t want it to happen like this…” She sniffed hard, trying not to cry again.

 

            Bofur reached across the table and took both her hands. “Don’t cry lady, look at me.” He waited until she did before continuing. “Now the clothes situation is easily fixed. Summon your tailor, explain your condition, and have new clothes made. Pregnancy will not make you any less beautiful. As for what to do, that I can’t tell you. I come from simple people, miners and the like, not a drop of noble blood. I’d wager Balin could tell you though. He could work with you to make a date for the bonding ceremony soon, so that you can tell him before your condition becomes obvious. I know you’re scared, but your fear will not change your situation. You must accept it, and take action.”

 

            His hands felt so warm around hers, his eyes so full of sincerity. Yet again she found herself staring into his eyes, had they ever held her attention this way before? “You’re right, I’m being silly.”

 

            Now his eyes were as warm as his hands. “There’s nothing silly about being afraid. I’d be shocked if you weren’t. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.”

 

            “It could be worse though couldn’t it? At least I’ve got people around me who love and support me.”

 

            Cussa could swear there was a twinkle in Bofur’s eye as he said, “Aye lady, that you do.”

 

            They finished the meal in silence, occasionally exchanging small smiles, and the whole time Cussa found she missed the warmth of his hands. Once they had finished eating, Cussa was desperate to leave her rooms. Despite Bofur’s calming words, the reality of her pregnancy still weighed heavily on her, and she wanted to be anywhere but here.

 

            Her feelings must have showed on her face because Bofur asked, “Would feel more comfortable somewhere else?”

 

            She grasped at his offer with relief. “Yes, I would. Um… Would you mind if we went to your rooms? They’re so much more welcoming than these rooms…”

 

            He chuckled and got to his feet. “I don’t mind lady. Are you anxious to move out to your own rooms?”

 

            Cussa paused midstep. “You know, I hadn’t really thought about it… Going somewhere else will be nice I suppose, but I’ll miss the bath. Nothing better for melting away the tension of the day than a hot spring bath.” Bofur laughed again as they left the royal chambers and began to walk.

 

            They made small talk along the way. Cussa asked how he and Bombur were getting along, and Bofur reported that they still weren’t on the best of terms but that they were at least talking again. Cussa was delighted to hear this. “Does this mean that you’ll start coming by to play with the little ones in the afternoons again?”

 

            He gave her an indulgent smile. “Yes lady, if you wish it.”

 

            “I do,” she said sincerely. “I’ve missed hearing you play your flute for them.”

 

            Just then they were interrupted by a dwarf woman calling out a greeting to Bofur.

 

            “Lady Dís…” Bofur breathed, shock evident on his face. Cussa whipped around to see her bonded’s sister for the first time as Bofur hastened to bow his head. In the second or so she had to study Lady Dís, Cussa was able to discern that she had Thorin’s coloration and the same mischievous glint in her eyes as her son Prince Kíli, but then she was moving on. Her guard seemed to be leading her to Thorin’s room.

 

            The sudden appearance of the Lady Dís raised questions in Cussa’s mind. “What was life like in the Blue Mountains Bofur?”

 

            “What was… what?” He shook his head a bit and turned to look at her closely. “What do you want to know about it?”

 

            “Well, seeing Lady Dís just now made me curious about it. You’ve never really talked about it.” Cussa shrugged.

 

            “Well, I don’t really know what it was like for people of your status, I never really saw much of the noble life.”

 

            Cussa rolled her eyes. “Come one, you tell me your story, and I’ll tell you mine, okay?”

 

            That seemed to get him on board, and he bowed his head in acquiescence as he let her into his rooms, leading her straight to his sitting room and onto his couch. The couch was comfortable, cozy, and colorful. For all that she had just woken up, Cussa was tired, and content to sit back and listen to what Bofur had to say.

 

            “Well, like I said, I don’t really know what life was like for people of your status. Never really saw them. Bombur and I grew up poor. Our dad died in the battle to retake Moria, but even if he hadn’t, I don’t think our parents could have afforded to have more children. It was hard. When we got old enough we had to work in the mines. Bombur really wanted to be a chef, but the apprenticeships didn’t pay well enough for him to stop mining, especially once mom died. Instead he cooked in his spare time and made me taste everything he made. He was always so happy cooking that I kept tasting for him, even though at the beginning most of it was awful. For my part, I had Bifur teach me toy making techniques. I always wanted to do something where I could hand someone something I made with my own hands and make them smile. It’s what all three of us wanted out of life really.”

 

            “Being a miner was not easy. Friendships made the work go by quicker, but you might find your friend dead a week later because of a cave in. It happened to us often enough. Me and Bom were lucky. We’ve both been in cave in’s, but managed to survive. But it’s hard to consider that lucky. When you’re alive and okay, but your companions lie dead at your side, or are dying and there’s nothing you can do to save them.”

 

            Cussa’s heart ached for him. To live such a life, to have seen such things, she couldn’t even begin to imagine what that must have been like, the kind of scars that must have left on him. She hoped pity didn’t show on her face, for Bofur would resent her for it. Instead she tried to place herself in his shoes, and shuddered. She really couldn’t image living such a life.

 

            “We got through though. Bifur was a real inspiration to me, my hero. Even after his injury, he didn’t let anything stop him from achieving his dream, to make people smile with something he made with his own hands. But I think the most magical time for all of us was when Bombur’s one found him. Brira just walked up to him one day, told him he was her one, and asked him if he’d come on a walk with her. I’ll never forget his face when he came back from that walk. He looked absolutely stunned and was blushing. I asked him how it went and he told me in the most breathless voice that she was perfect. By the next day they were courting, within two months they were bonded, and a year later they had their first child.”

 

            Cussa smiled. How wonderful that must have been. And how wonderful for Bombur’s wife to just know that Bombur was her one. Cussa envied her.

 

            Bofur stopped his story for a moment and asked her very softly, “What are you thinking lady?”

 

            “I’m thinking of how lucky Bombur and his wife were, and how amazing it must be to just know that someone is your one like that. I don’t know how people do it. That day you had to see Thorin, I asked Ori what it was like, and he said it came to him much more gradually… I guess it’s just different for everyone.”

 

            Bofur chucked. “You should have seen Dwalin. It hit him like a battering ram. One day Ori was just another member of the company, the next Ori was his whole world. It was kind of funny, to see that big warrior turn into a lovesick puppy. But I’m happy for them, they’ve been good for each other.”

 

            The reluctant queen under the mountain smiled. “Yeah, they are good for each other. I enjoyed going to Dori’s café with Ori, we should go down there sometime. They have these things called menus. It’s really neat. Anyway, go on with your story.” She curled around herself, feeling the slight bump in her stomach along with a pang of guilt, but she made herself focus on Bofur’s story instead, she would deal with it soon, just not right now.

 

            “Well, after Bombur started having kids, we needed more money. I started taking odd jobs from people in addition to mining, and Bombur started his cooking apprenticeship as well. Always we kept our ears open for better opprotunities. We found out about the quest and attended every meeting open to the public. When Thorin asked for volunteers, Bombur, Bifur, and I readily agreed. We settled our affairs, and after encounters with trolls, orcs, wargs, elves, goblins, and a dragon, here we are. Bombur’s wife and children came over here, we settled into our new quarters, new jobs, and new fortunes. It was hard to get accustomed to at first, and sometimes it still is. But all in all, it was well worth it.”

 

            “I’m glad you were able to make it here all in one piece. Your family truly is something special. Well, as you say, I grew up with privilege. My father was a merchant, and my mother was a minor noble of some form. They were kind but we never really understood each other, and that hurt our relationship, despite all our best intentions. I don’t have any siblings. My parents tried to have more children, but were forced to stop after a miscarriage almost killed my mother. I think it frustrated them, being able to provide for many children, but unable to have them. We had this big empty home, and they always seemed to want to fill the space. Father took over rooms for his business, mother bought things, and they both tried their hands at entertaining.”

 

            “I tried to go to a few of the parties and dinners, but I always felt violently ill. I’d feel chills and yet my face would be burning. Sometimes the necklaces I would wear felt like they were strangling me. I started pretending to be sick for the parties. My parents were disappointed. They said I wouldn’t know anything about the world if I insisted on hiding from it. So when they would have parties, I started sneaking into nearby rooms and listening at the doors. I kept my ears open when I went to the market. I put up with my mother making me visit friends from when I was younger and took note of the current gossip.”

 

            “Didn’t you have any friends who understood?” Bofur asked, he looked concerned for her.

 

            “Not really, no. I had friends when I was younger, but as I got older and had all those problems with social interaction, they didn’t understand, and we just slowly drifted apart. When I felt overwhelmed, I would read my father’s business books, or go walking in the woods. I found comfort in those things. Sometimes I would watch the children play at the market. When I was younger, I always longed for siblings, and then as I got older I longed for children of my own.”

 

            Bofur reached over and gave her hand a squeeze, and suddenly she felt self-conscious about not doing the same to him earlier when he had talked about watching his friends die. But the pressure still comforted her immensely. She hadn’t really noticed how lonely she had been then until she had come to Erebor and made real friends. She didn’t take her hand out of his as she finished her story.

 

            “When Erebor was reclaimed, my father insisted we all made a trip for a month or two so that he could establish trading connections in both Erebor and Dale. We intended to leave once this was done, but then Thorin made his proposal… I didn’t really want to say yes, but mother told me I had to accept. She told me how good it would be for me and our family if I bonded with the king. How much it would help father’s contacts in his trading, and I didn’t know what to do, so I said yes. They went back to the Iron Hills with connections, and I stayed here, and well, you know the rest.”

 

            Bofur nodded. It felt like there was a lot less between them now. Cussa felt much more comfortable now that they had said their stories out loud. She felt like she was seeing Bofur in a new light, no that wasn’t right… It was more as if Bofur had come into clearer focus. But there was still something about him that was strangely fuzzy, and she couldn’t figure out what it was.  He was still holding her hand, and she didn’t mind. That fact felt strangely important. Then her stomach rumbled loudly, and the moment was gone.

 

            But somehow that was okay. Bofur just chuckled. “Hungry? Shall we go get some lunch?”

 

            Cussa blushed, “Lunch would be lovely, but I don’t think I can manage a walk down to the ground levels.”

 

            “How about we go next door then? Bombur is working right now, but Brira should be there, along with the children. She’d be happy to give us something, and she loves having you come around.”

 

            She smiled. Eating over with Bombur’s family really did sound wonderful. “Only if you bring your flute. I’ve missed hearing you play for the children, and they’ve missed it too you know.”

 

            His eyes darkened for a bit and he nodded. “I know, I’ll bring it.”

 

            Following her impulse, she squeezed his hand this time. He looked down at it, almost as though he had forgotten their hands were still clasped, then he looked up at her and smiled. His eyes drew her in yet again, and she felt herself move forward a bit. His eyes were so expressive, but it was like they were speaking a different language, because she couldn’t understand what they were telling her. She wanted so badly to understand, to examine them closely, without interruption.

 

            But it was not to be. Bofur jerked his head in the direction of the door. “Come on, let’s go.” She nodded and he helped her off the couch with their joined hands. He didn’t drop it until he used the hand holding hers to open the door, and her hand felt cold without his. But she pushed the sensation aside, and walked with him to Bombur’s rooms, and stood beside him as they waited for someone to answer the door.

 

            Brira opened the door and positively beamed at them. “Bofur, Cussa, it’s so good to see you!” She waved them in and closed the door behind them. Within seconds Bofur had been swarmed by his shrieking niece and nephews. He looked so happy surrounded by them all, and Cussa couldn’t help but smile at the scene. Spending time with this family always made her happy.

 

            Brira sat everyone down at the dining table and passed around sandwiches. Bofur kept everyone entertained by telling his niece and nephews of what he had been up to in Dale. A few amusing trade mishaps had occurred, and Bofur had exaggerated all of them for the children. They giggled at their uncle while Cussa and Brira watched, content to only pitch in occasionally.

 

            Once everyone had eaten their fill, they moved to the bright sitting room. All the colors and patterns were mismatched, but it didn’t look bad. In fact, the colorful chaos looked good, and suited the family that lived there well. Bofur brought out his flute and played ditties for the children while Cussa and Brira chatted aimlessly. A few times Cussa caught the older woman catching her smiling contentedly at Bofur. She couldn’t help it; she hadn’t lied when she had said he would make a good father. After a few hours, Cussa and Bofur said they needed to go, and were bid a hearty farewell at the door.

 

            Cussa settled back on Bofur’s couch and yawned. “I love those kids but boy do they tire me out.”

 

            “You’re one to talk,” Bofur laughed. “You weren’t the one they were all over, and you weren’t the one entertaining them for hours.”

 

            Cussa pouted playfully. “But I’ve got so-so-so little energy lately.” She yawned again, feeling her eyes get a bit heavy.

 

            “Would you like to take a nap lady?” Her host asked, gently.

 

            She felt embarrassed. “Oh no, I couldn’t, I’ll be fine.” She finally got to spend a whole day with him, and all she wanted to do was sleep. She felt horrible.

 

            Bofur cut through her babbling patiently. “I really don’t mind lady. I have a guest room with a comfortable bed, and have some work to do anyway. I can work while you nap, and wake you when I’m finished.”

 

            She was so tired but still…

 

            “Come on lady, nap time.” He brooked no further argument, and held out his hand to her. She took it, feeling his warmth envelop her once again, and stopped protesting. He led her down a hall to a comfortably furnished guest room, with a queen bed that called to her so very strongly. “I’ll be just across the hall if you need me. There are spare clothes in the wardrobe if you want to change. Is there anything else you need lady?”

 

            Her eyelids felt very heavy now, but she managed to shake her head and thank him. He smiled and gave her hand a squeeze before letting it go and slipping out. As Cussa changed into a loose gown from the wardrobe, hanging her dress in its place, she wondered if her hand had always tingled at his touch. That thought carried her off into dreamland.

 

            Her dreams were strange and confused. She saw Bofur walk towards her, wrap his arms around her, and kiss her in a way that sent tingles down to the tips of her toes. She saw a little girl lying on the floor, surrounded by freshly cut red roses. The girl had blonde hair, and didn’t appear to be breathing, but suddenly she opened her bright blue eyes and stared right at Cussa. She felt herself collapse to the floor as unimaginable pain ripped through her body. Bofur and Thorin ran towards her, but all she could think of was the pain.

 

            “Cussa!” Her eyes flew open to the sight of Bofur with his hands on her shoulders, concern etched in every line of his face. He breathed a sigh of relief and let his arms fall to his sides, but she reached out for his hand, and he allowed her to take it. He sat on the side of the bed, and tentatively reached out to brush a curl from her face. “You were screaming in your sleep, I got worried. What happened?”

 

            “Weird pregnancy dreams. Brira told me they would start eventually. But I wasn’t really prepared for that… I dreamed that I saw a child on the floor, she looked like she was dead, but then she opened her eyes and stared at me, and then I dreamed that I was miscarrying… It hurt so bad…” She left out the other part of her dream. She was definitely not sharing that part.

 

            Bofur squeezed her hand and moved another curl from her face. He was clearly at a loss for what to say, but that was okay because his mere presence comforted her, and she felt her fear from the dream fade away. For a few minutes they simply sat in silence. It occurred to Cussa that she should probably feel uncomfortable, lying in a bed, in the home of a man who was not her husband, with said man on the bed with her. It seemed very inappropriate, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. She and Thorin were separated, and there was nothing going on between her and Bofur. But what would happen after the bond was broken, she couldn’t say. She couldn’t help it, her heart was opening a little, opening to him.

 

            After a few minutes, Bofur broke the silence. “Is there anything I can do for you lady?”

 

            There was that dratted title again, but she let it go for now. “Actually, I could use some water, and directions to your bathroom?”

 

            He smiled. “Yes my lady. The bathroom is two doors down on the left. I’ll meet you back in the sitting room with some water?”

 

            She nodded, and he left. She got up and stretched before changing back into her dress, then she headed down to the bathroom. The bathroom was not quite as lovely as her own, but it reminded her of the bathroom in her childhood home back in the Iron Hills. Before she left she did her best to fix her hair, and once she was satisfied she went to find Bofur. As promised he was waiting for her with a glass of water.

 

            When she sat down on the couch he handed it to her and said. “And now I think we should talk about you going to see Balin.”

 

            She groaned and hid her face in the cup.  “Can’t we talk about something else?”

 

            “No. Why haven’t you done it yet?”

 

            She looked away. “Truthfully? Because I’m scared that if I do something about it, it will finally be real.”

 

            Bofur rolled his eyes. “Lady, no matter what you do or how afraid you are, your situation will become no more or less real. You need to take action if you want things to work out the way you’ve planned. You have the ability to make Thorin make things right by making sure he lets you go. We all know he’ll stay with you when he find out about the pregnancy. If you don’t do something soon, he will find out. You can’t hide it forever.” He took a deep breath and said in a softer voice, “I don’t mean to be harsh; I just want what’s best for you. I know you’re scared, and you have every right to be scared, but being scared will not help you right now.”

 

            Cussa blinked back tears and nodded. Stupid hormones. He was right of course. She finished off her water to give her something to do. “I should see Balin tonight, shouldn’t I?”

 

            He nodded. “Yes, you should.”

 

            “How long did I sleep?” She was definitely stalling with that question, however important that information was.

 

            “A couple of hours, it’s nearly dinner time.” His eyes told her she wasn’t fooling him, and she relented.

 

            “Do you think you could ask a guard to send up some dinner from the kitchens? If I have to do this, I’d rather do it over food.” He nodded and left the rooms for a few minutes.

 

            When he came back they discussed details of her trip. “The food is going to be delivered here, when it comes you’ll need to go straight to Balin. Would you like me to come with you?”

 

            Cussa thought about this. She wanted him there for emotional support, but at the same time she wanted to prove to herself that she could do this. “Would you mind walking me there and then meeting me after?” She asked nervously. “I think I need to do this on my own, but it’s going to be hard.”

 

            He nodded. “As long as you go, I’ll do whatever you need me to do. How long do you think you’ll be?”

 

            “About an hour. Maybe a bit longer.”

 

            “Okay then, I’ll come back here and eat with everyone. I might even be able to drag Bifur out. Then I’ll go wait for you outside Balin’s office.”

 

            “Thank you Bofur. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” She really didn’t. He was so kind to her, so helpful, so selfless. But she didn’t know how to say all that gracefully, so she stuck to the over used phrase, and tried to express the rest with her eyes.

 

            He seemed to understand, and gave her a soft smile. He let her doze on the couch until the food arrived, then he helped her up and carried the trays. They walked in silence, Cussa’s nerves getting the better of her. She felt like she was going to throw up, she wanted to turn back, to run away, but Bofur’s steady presence at her side reminded her what she needed to do, and why she needed to do it.

 

            By the time they reached Balin’s office, Cussa felt faint with anxiety, but she knocked on the door anyway, and opened it for Bofur to set the trays down at Balin’s bidding.

 

            “Cussa, Bofur, what a surprise!” Balin said jovially.

 

            Bofur laughed. “Sorry to say Balin, I can’t stay. I have dinner plans with the family, I was just helping the lady here.”

 

            “That’s too bad Bofur, you should stop by sometime for something other than business you know.”

 

            “I’ll keep that in mind, see you later!” And then he was gone.

 

            Cussa couldn’t breathe. She felt dizzy. Why was she doing this to herself? “Cussa, are you okay?” Balin sounded concerned.

 

            She took a deep breath and asked, “When is the ceremony to break my bond with Thorin?”

 

            He looked a little shocked that she had jumped straight into business without bothering with pleasantries, but replied nonetheless. “Well, we had planned to do it right before Thorin left to find Bilbo, but we’re not sure when that will be.”

 

            “How is his recovery going?”

 

            He gave her a sympathetic look that irritated her slightly. He didn’t get it yet. Boy was he in for a surprise. “It’s going well; he has full range of motions now, and doesn’t seem to be any more forgetful than before. We were hoping to have him start holding court again in a few days.”

 

            “What about preparations for his journey, have those been made?”

 

            “Cussa, whatever is the matter? Why are you suddenly so worried about this?”

 

            She swallowed hard and looked him dead in the eye. Before she was aware of the door opening, she said, “Because this bond needs to end before he realizes I’m pregnant with his child.”

 

            It was the gasp that made her turn her head. There, framed in the doorway, was Lady Dís, Thorin’s sister. Her face looked as shocked as Cussa felt, but she managed to stand, bow, and mutter, “Lady Dís.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I really hope you guys enjoyed it! Was Dis okay? How about Bofur and Cussa? As a side note, I have never been pregnant. And the only people I know who have been all had pregnancy conditions that would have killed Cussa, so most of my info has been taken from web research, which I'm not very patient about, so I hope it's accurate. Feel free to let me know if I did something wrong in that department. If any of you guys like Bofur and Nori together, I just wrote a Halloween one-shot about them, and you should totally go check it out. Anyway, please leave comments, I've really missed hearing from you guys (and I know it's my own fault that I haven't been). Don't forget to follow me on tumblr! Ummm... Oh! This month I have two additional writing projects besides this fic (Hobbit Holiday Exchange, and the next installment in my new one-shot series), so I may only get one or two updates in, but I'll try to make you guys my number one priority when deadlines aren't looming! Also, I'm going to move in about a month, so yeah... That may get hectic as well. Just wanted to give you all a heads up beforehand, unlike last time. Okay, I'll shut up now. I love you guys! <3


	14. This chapter will be deleted

Hey guys! I first want to apologize for how long it has been since I updated. My computer troubles have been insane and on top of that I have been crazy busy. But I will say, I have not abandoned this fic, even if it takes me ages to finish I will not abandon it. I'm going to try and get the computer I wrote all of this on revived so I can get the nearly completed next chapter from it, and I've been working on new scenes on my phone. I recently received a comment on this story and it really revived my interest and my muse. If all goes well, I'll be able to churn out a few chapters quickly after repairing my computer. I'll also recover a nearly completed draft for another hobbit universe fic which is a companion to the Bofur/Nori Halloween fic I wrote. I just wanted to let those of you still subscribed to know I haven't given up, and I really appreciate anyone still here to see this message! I will delete this chapter once I have the real chapter 14 ready. Thanks for understanding guys! See you soon, hopefully!

**Author's Note:**

> -Cowers behind tree- don't shoot me! I'll work more on this after I've finished my Bluna fic (after all, Harry Potter is my original fandom, so I must show my Harry Potter fanfiction series some love as well.) 
> 
> Also, please follow me on Tumblr. My username is Amaya2278 ^_^


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